Against All Odds

Chapter 22 - I'm Sorry

"Brittany came to me that next morning in tears. And asked me to record everything that she said. I was looking through my old tapes and found it."

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1 Year Ago

"Brittany may I ask why you wanted to record everything today?"

"I guess as some sort of proof. For Santana. Since we broke up she hasn't given me the time of day. All I wanna do is apologize to her. I miss her. She should know that I'm smarter than what she saw. She should know that I would never cheat on her and that girl that she caught me with blackmailed me. I needed the extra credit. I was tutoring her and she said that she would purposely bomb her test so that I wouldn't get my extra credit. The only way that she was going to pass her test was if I went to third base with her."

Tears were falling from her eyes and she was shaking.

"So why didn't you tell her yesterday when you saw her? Sue said you two were...talking...sort of. Which ended with Santana storming off."

"I knew she was coming here. I guess she was drunk one night and ended up calling me without realizing it and she told me everything. Her plan about coming back for this assignment. When I got here, I called Quinn but she told me not to see her. Seeing her would only hurt her more but I needed to tell her." Brittany wiped the tears from her face with the sleeve of her sweater. "I wasn't going to listen to her but I wanted to explain myself to Santana. I figured that was the least I could do. She deserved it. So I walked to the choir room and when I got there she had just started singing. I couldn't help but listen. It had been so long since I heard her sing. It's like my biggest weakness. Her voice is so beautiful."

"And that's when she saw you?" Brittany nodded.

"Once she saw me I started to walk away. Not only because she saw me, but because I started to cry. I ran down the hallway and sat on the bench in front of our old lockers. I tried to think of what I was going to say in the ten seconds I had before she reached me but as always the wrong words came out and it ended up in an argument."

And for the next ten to fifteen seconds it was just Brittany trying to control her sobs. When she finally did, she wiped her eyes once more.

"I think you should give her some space, Brittany. She needs time to heal and I know you may not have hurt her purposely but it happened and she needs it. Let her go. And if you two are truly meant to be then she'll come back to you."

"I don't think I can do that. I don't know how to let go of someone that I love more than anything in this entire universe." Ms. Pillsbury got up from behind her desk and sat next to Brittany. "What if she never comes back to me?"

"If there is any two people in this world that are meant to be, it's you and Santana." She rubbed Brittany's back as she started to break down again. "You two will get through this."

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"Brittany kept in touch with me after our talk." Ms. Pillsbury shut the laptop. "She called from time to time and she would tell me what was going on. Even the time when she brought her roommate to Rachel and Kurt's place. When you showed up she panicked. She thought that you'd be upset."

"I was upset. I thought that girl was her girlfriend."

"Okay well she didn't know at all that you were upset so you must've hid it well. She thought that you had met someone." All of this was surprising.

"Well what about the time when I was in the hospital?" She looked up as if she was thinking really hard.

"I can explain that one." Quinn walked into the room. "Remember how you told me that she had taken you to the hospital? Well.. Right before you got out I came."

"I didn't see you though?" Ms. Pillsbury grabbed her laptop and walked out of the room.

"You were sleeping. Britt was awake though. And of course we got to talking. She told me that she wanted you back. And I talked her out of it."

I was pissed. I stood up and my chair fell backwards, "How could you have done that? She's all that I wanted at that point and I was probably going to get her but you stopped her? Why the fuck would you do that Quinn?"

"Do you see what she put you through? You almost died because of her and I didn't want that happening again."

"That wasn't the choice for you to make. And now Britt's gone and there's no way to know if we were ever going to get back together."

"But you have Emily, San." She had a point. Over the past few months I fell in love with her. But if I had never met Emily, Brittany would probably still be alive. "San?"

My stomach was turning. Was this really all my fault? What did I do? I got Brittany killed.

"You're right Quinn. You're right. I know I have Emily." She hugged me. "I'm really tired. I just want to sleep."

"I'll take you home okay? Emily's waiting for you there."

We walked out of the choir room together and I told everyone bye. When I reached home, I went inside and found Emily sleeping in my room. I imagine she had a long day. Her dad did just go back to Afghanistan. After putting my jacket on my closet door I walked over to her and kissed her. She woke up a little and looked at me.

"Oh hey babe." She sat up and held my hands. "Are you okay? I know how hard this must've been for you."

"I'm alright. Go back to sleep I know you had a long day too. I'm just gonna go and use the bathroom." I kissed her one more time and she laid down.

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I looked at my self in the mirror. I couldn't stop going back to what I was thinking about earlier. Brittany would still be alive if I had never gotten with Emily. But how was I ever to know that this was going to happen? I opened the medicine cabinet and looked through all the bottles. I found the one with the most pills.

I went back into my room and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. I wrote down two words. I'm sorry.

I walked into the bathroom and I uncapped the bottle and swallowed every pill. After a couple minutes, I started to feel dizzy. No. I shouldn't have done this. This was a mistake. I went into my back pocket but my phone wasn't there. I needed to get back to the room. To Emily. I stumbled my way into the hallway.

"Babe?" Emily came running out of the room looking the opposite way. When she turned towards me she ran. "What did you do?"

"I'm sorry Emily. I was stupid I..." Then I started vomiting blood. It felt like my insides were trying to come out. I fell to the ground and was using every strength of my energy to stay awake. Emily ran into the bathroom and saw the empty bottle.

She ran back out to me and held me in her arms. "Hold my hand, babe. Please." She grabbed her phone out of her pocket and called 911. I held her hand and tried my hardest not to let go. "I need an ambulance to 231 North Street in Lima Heights. My girlfriend just overdosed."

I started to lose consciousness. My arm went limp.

"Oh my God please hurry she just lost consciousness." She held on to me tighter. At that point I felt weird and all of a sudden I was standing over Emily and my body.

"San?" I turned and saw her.

"Brittany."