Against All Odds

Chapter 16 - The Alcohol

"Santana breath. You have to breath."

I could barely hear Emily over the sounds of my attempts to take in air. My phone started to vibrate and I looked down to see it was Quinn. Emily took my phone and answered it for me.

"Quinn and Rachel are outside. They said they'll be right in." She came over to where I was sitting and kissed my cheek. "The doctor told me that you can go and see Brittany if you'd like. I think you should go and see her."

"I will. I'm just trying to calm down first. Thank you, Emily. For being here with me. I know that you must think that I'm still in love with her."

"I know that you still love her because I still love Paige. And I always will. And to go through something like this is difficult. But I'm here for you okay?" She grabbed my hand and started rubbing it. I stood up and kissed her.

"I'll be back okay. Tell Quinn and Rachel that I went inside to see her when they get here. You can go downstairs to the cafeteria if you want to. I know that you must be hungry. And the girls are waiting for you. So go." She gave me the are you sure face. "I'm sure, Em. Please go and eat. I need to do this alone."

She walked me over to the door of Brittany's room and let me know one more time that I was going to be alright. I kissed her once more and walked into the room. I looked back and saw that she was still standing in the doorway. She worded I love you and walked away. I turned the corner and saw Brittany laying there. I had told myself that I wasn't going to cry but here I was, bawling once again.

"I told you not to leave me, Britt. Why did you have to fucking do this to me? Why did You have to leave me here!" I sat down on the chair next to her bed and held her hand. It was cold. That nice familiar warmth that I was used to feeling was gone. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. This is all my fault Britt."

I wiped my face with my shirt and looked back over at her. The longer I looked at her the more I hoped that she would just wake up and be alive again. But I knew that wasn't going to happen. I heard some whispering and saw that Rachel and Quinn were standing at the door. Quinn told Rachel something and she nodded, kissed her and walked away.

"Hey San." She walked over to me and handed me one of the coffees that she was holding. "We ran into Emily and her friends in the cafeteria. She said you might want one of these."

She pulled a chair up next to me and rubbed my back.

"I didn't tell her Quinn. I didn't get to tell her. I didn't..." The tears started falling faster.

"You didn't get to tell her what, San?"

"I didn't get to tell her that I love her. She was laying there in my arms. And she was dying. She told me that she loved me. And I didn't tell her back."

"Do you really think that she didn't know that you loved her?" She looked over at Britt and placed her hand on her thigh. "Brittany knew that you loved her. She knew that she was the first ever person to get you, Santana Lopez, to open up. To not hide who you really are. So don't you think for a second that she doesn't know that you love her. Even if you guys weren't together, she knew. And she'll always know."

"But still! You don't understand. I put her in this situation. I did this to her."

"You didn't do anything. You didn't pull the trigger. You did everything you could. At least you talked to her before she died. Britt and I had an argument last week and that was the last that I talked to her. It ended on a bad note and now look. I can't tell her I'm sorry." She shook her head and took a sip of her coffee. "I know that she was in town to talk to you about getting back together."

"Yeah we talked. Sort of." I shrugged my shoulder.

"Do not tell me that you two had sex." I pushed her.