iris . vkook

sixty nine

예순 아홉

TRIGGER WARNING - ABUSE

Taehyung's PoV;

Pain. The only expression that painted Jeongguk's face as he told me everything.

About how his father was abusive. Yelling, hitting and shoving. About how a certain cologne could set him off into an anxiety attack, freezing before all of his senses hit him at once. His heart would stop for a second, before rattling rapidly against his ribcage, feeling his pulse in his throat. He'd start it off with a sharp inhale of air, eyes widening before his breathing fastened, inhaling and exhaling at twice the normal speed. His mouth would try up, tongue feeling as though it had swollen, licking at his lips and biting at the skin anxiously. His hands would clam up, and he'd squeeze at his fingers and wrist. 

About his mother. Someone who watched her husband hit at her kid. Someone who forced Jeongguk to sleep in a tiny room, on a cheaply uncomfortable mattress. Someone who made no attempt to clean at his wounds, or wash his clothes after a week of wearing them. She hated him. And when Jung-hyun died, the hatred furthered. 

About Jeong-ja. The only person who mattered before Jay. The one who would sneak Jeongguk food, often skipping meals just so he could have some nutrition. She would wash his clothes in the bathroom sink with hand wash as detergent, clean his wounds with hot water and a cotton flannel and brush through his hair with her fingers. She'd supervise him in the bath, as a child and a teen. Not in the weird way though, she'd do her makeup and laugh with him, so he had an hour or two (Jeong-ja would take extra time to do her makeup so he could have longer in the bath) of relaxing, since he enjoyed the feeling of water. 

About Jisom. How he brought back memories of his father. Jisom's face would transition to his dad's as cruel kicks battered his stomach and sides, father's knuckles replacing Jisom's as Jisom would punch across his face. He couldn't decide who was attacking him. He'd spit the same venomous words as his father, Jeongguk backing up into a corner out of fear. Rocking himself, arms locked around his knees.

About Jung-hyun. How he didn't die from heartbreak. He died from being attacked so brutally, Jeongguk choosing to stay with Jisom in fear that he'd turn out the same way as Jung-hyun. Though, during his time with Jisom, he often wondered if that had been the better way. Jeongguk would fiddle with his fingers whenever he spoke about Jisom, which soon made sense as he told me that Jisom had broke and fractured several of them, the damage still present and evident by the way the bones felt funny under my touch. The scar on his cheek was originally from his father, it used to be small and unnoticeable. Then, Jisom reopened it and allowed it to scar in an 'uglier' way. 

I found out why Jeongguk truly hated his eyes. They were what caused all his pain. I apologised for liking the colour, vowing to myself that I'd change it to something that wasn't related to his past. Maybe yellow, representing happiness and hope. Maybe silver, representing the silver lining in a cloud. Jeongguk shook his head, begging me not to change it, he liked the colour because it attracted him to me. 

But most importantly, he told me about Jay Park and Yoon Bora. Two extremely important people in his life. Jay practically raised him, moving Jeongguk in with him, celebrating every birthday and event, keeping him well-fed, well-rested and happy. He'd comfort him with every panic attack, hushing him in times of thunder, hugging him whenever lightning struck. He encouraged Jeongguk to start Taekwondo, something to distract him from his past. He attempted to teach Jeongguk how to read and write, since Jeongguk only knew how to write his name, something Jeong-ja had taught him.

Jay taught Jeongguk snippets of Mandarin, since that's what he had learnt in high school. Bora taught him some French and Japanese, since she had studied those heavily during university, having the intention to do something with her degree, but never following forward.