Collided (Rastro Fanfic)

Chaper 9

It's a saturday and saturdays are meant for visiting Monique's grave. I spent around an hour with her before deciding to drop by Marga's wake since it's within the vicinity. Nag park ako nang di kalayuan sa chapel at bumaba na ng sasakyan. Hindi pa man ako nakakalapit ay may natanaw ako na isang pigura na nakasalampak sa tabi ng kanyang sasakyan. From the looks of it, hindi naman ito isang pulubi na nagawi dito. I don't think that's even possible. Out of curiosity, I walked closer towards the figure. Dito ko lang narealize na the figure's actually a woman and she's weeping for Christ's sake. Her situation urged me more to get closer to where she is, not caring if I'm already invading her privacy. Alam ko naman na in moments like this, most of us want to be alone and to bawl out on our own. Pero wala eh, something's drawing me towards her and I'm too weak to fight it. Maybe because I have felt what she's feeling right now? Maybe she just needs someone after all the crying and heartache, just like anybody else? And so I braved my way to her.

"Here," pag offer ko sa kanya ng panyo.

Nabigla siya sa pagsulpot ko at agad na nagpunas ng kanyang mga luha. Nag angat ito ng tingin at tila inaaninag kung sino ang kumakausap sa kanya ngayon.

"I'm sorry. It's not my intention to pry but, uhm, I just felt the need to come to you."

Nanatili itong nakatitig sa akin, nakaramdam tuloy ako ng konting hiya. Hindi ko alam kung dahil naging pakielamera ako o dahil sa paraan ng pagtitig niya.

"It's okay. Thanks but I have my own," sabi niya na ngayon ay nakatayo na at inaayos ang sarili.

"I-I...have to go. Thanks again," nagmamadaling sabi nito. Pumasok na ito agad sa sasakyan at pinaharurot paalis. Ako naman napako sa kinatatayuan ko. Inaalala ko kung saan ko nakita ang babae dahil pamilyar siya sa akin. Nang hindi ko maalala, napa kibit balikat na lang ako at tuluyan nang pumasok sa loob ng chapel.

- - - - - - - - - -

The day after, inilibing na si Marga. It's a private ceremony at mga kamag anak lang ang nagsama sama. Max was actually inviting me to join them but I politely declined. I don't think I belong there especially hindi naman ako immediate family nila and I have never been close to Marga herself. Besides, ang kapal na ng mukha ko kung magpapakita pa ako sa burol eh ako ang dahilan ng paghihirap ni Marga. They may not know pero may natitira pa naman akong respeto.

Honestly, may kung anong bumabagabag sa akin eversince I heard the news na nag suicide si Marga. Call it guilt or what, pero hindi ko maitatanggi na palaisipan sa akin kung tama ba ang naging desisyon ko. I should feel relieved kasi nagawa ko ang plano, nasaktan ko siya just the way she hurt Monique and I pero right now, hindi ko maramdaman iyon. Hindi ako natuuwa sa kinahinatnan ng lahat ng ito. Pumapasok sa isip ko na maybe I have gone overboard. Na maybe, Marga didn't deserve all this pain. Maybe I let my emotions stir me too much.

As her funeral starts to sink in, I can't help but put the blame on myself on her plight. I think I'm officially suffering from remorse. I didn't ask for this. I didn't want her dead. All I want is justice for Monique. I just...I just wanna get back at her. I had no idea it would end like this. And now...her death is on my hands. What have I done?

Mababaliw na ata ako sa kakaisip nito. Being alone in my room and no one to talk to makes it even worse. I have not told anyone about any of this, not even Alex. Feeling ko kasi isa itong bagay na hindi na kailangan pa malaman ng mga taong malalapit sa akin. If anything goes south, just like what happened now, kargo konsensya ko na to.

I just realized that I'm already dialling the number of my mentor, Sam. Kaming dalawa lang naman ang nakakaalam ng mga pinaggagawa namin kaya siya lang ang maaari kong makausap.