Unthinkable

Chapter 4~ Peeta

"I don't know when I'll be home Katniss. Whenever things are done I suppose."

I poke out my lower lip to make a pouty face. By keeping my arms tightly around his waist,I refuse to let him leave. But, I'm not strong and he easily breaks free of me. I groan and watch him leave as I plop on the couch. He was leaving to go help do some construction in twelve. He'd volunteered about a week ago and they finally said they could use him. So, I sat here at eight in the morning, expecting a boring and miserable day without him.

I started my day off by taking a shower to refresh myself. I let the warm water hit my back as I leaned against the wall, already miserable without him here to keep my mind off things. Afterwards, I braided and unbraided my hair just to busy myself. I was dressed in a careless outfit- a t-shirt and shorts. I usually wear these things around the house along with my hair styled in a braid, but after I get tired of the braid look from doing and undoing it so much, I sloppily throw my hair into a bun.

Then, I decide I'm hungry and walk outside. As usual, the cheese buns are sitting there. Out of habit, I look around to see if he's there, but it's only me outside being paranoid. I retreat inside, shut the door behind me, and sit myself on the couch. I place the basket in my lap and just as I'm about to dive into it with my hand, I come to a halt. Today, I find something odd. An envelope is placed in the middle of the cheese buns in the basket. I lift it, revealing berries that look oddly familiar. I recognize them from a few years back and they still appear in my nightmares. I wouldn't -I couldn't- forget the meaning these berries have.

The first thought making an entrance through my mind is- he's trying to kill me. I open the envelope and read the couple of words printed on a piece of paper inside. It explains the berries. He is not trying to kill me. The berries had kind of been a sealed trust between us. It let us both know that behind all of the acting for the cameras, we still had some sort of thing for each other that I still can't forget. Maybe it's not love like I always thought, but care. I don't want him to die, but I don't want to love him in a way that means more than friends. Anyways, it was the first move we made that let the Capitol know that it was either both of us or none of us. We were truly star-crossed lovers, and that's why the slip of paper inside the envelope makes since by saying:

Star-crossed lovers?

It leaves me wondering if it's a question which he wants me to let him know the answer to. He should know by now that I'll usually ignore him. However, for some reason, this time I feel like I need to address this and let him know why I chose Gale. I can't just run from this problem. It's that care I have for him nipping at me like it always does. I'd feel too bad if I just left him without an answer. It seems too cruel even for someone like me to do.

I pace back and forth chewing on my fingernails, wondering if I should go to the bakery or not. First, I eat a few cheese buns which are cold signifying they'd at least been sitting for an hour or two. Then, I ponder over what to do. I can't look at him, I tell myself. Not now. That's when I come up with an idea. Before I dial the bakery number, I have to pinch my eyes shut and prepare myself. I know that it will be weird talking to him because of our last encounter with each other, but I need to do this. So, with trembling fingers, I press each number on the phone as slowly as possible.

The first couple of times, I chicken out while it's ringing and hang up. However, the third time I don't have a chance because it only rings once before he answers. I draw in a quick and obvious breath. He says his business greeting and I just sit there.

"Hello?" he asks. I sit silently, taken aback by the sound of his voice. It's genuinely sweet. I then realize that I hadn't heard him sound this kind since before the Capitol took him. I thought he sounded like regular Peeta that night he begged for me, but now I see that it wasn't him. This is him. I still get a familiar feeling from it. Like it was always playing in my mind, waiting to be heard in person. But now that it is, I realize how unprepared I am for it. I get butterflies in my stomach like I used to when he comforted my nightmares, but I don't know what it means. I forget how to react to the actual Peeta. I became too used to the one who hated me.