How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

23.

The doorknob was still fidgeting, and it only took us seconds to go from happy to possibly terrified.

"I have no idea who it is," Petal says grabbing my hand quickly in a frightened grip.

We both stand there waiting for whoever was about to walk through the front door. In our minds, I could assume we were set for the worst. A burglar, some crazy drunk person, I'm sure we're ready to take them on.

The noise stops and we hear the doorknob click and slowly it creaks open.

One footstep, then another, a young blond woman walks in. She's dressed in a tan trench coat that hangs just above her knees and it's soaking wet. It must have rained since we entered.

The woman looks up and notices us. Her gaze gravitates towards our hands, still interlocked together.

"What's going on?" the mystery woman questions.

I had never seen someone let go of something so immediately until Petal released my hand.

"It's not what it looks like," Petal responds.

"Not what it looks like?" I say repeating her words. "I'm sorry, am I missing something?"

My terrified nerves turned in to ones of confusion, although I was starting to get the sense that I wasn't entirely welcome anymore.

"Missing something?" Blondie aggressively repeats my words now. "Who are you and what are you doing in our hotel room?"

"You said you wouldn't come over until ten," Petal tells her.

"Let your little pet answer!" she's clearly angry at both of us now.

"I was just hanging out with Petal, we-" I get cut off.

"Petal!" she almost yells, "You let her call you Petal!"

This girl's face was flushed red and I could imagine the steam blowing out from her ears.

Shit... I think I know what's going on.

Looking at me, but pointing at Petal, she goes on, "Her name is Rose! And she's MY fiancé!"

Well... This is worse than I expected.

I couldn't tell what kind of expression was plastered on my face. I probably resembled a crashed computer, completely petrified.

I don't think I've ever been stuck in this kind of situation. You know, when your first kiss's fiancé has just walked in on you, vibrantly knows there's something going on and now she's shouting at the top of her lungs. Not to mention, Petal isn't actually Petal, but a complete phony named Rose.

It was doubtful at this point that anything Rose had told me was true. She was most likely only telling me what I wanted to hear.

And Gretchen, with all the fighting out here, she must be awake, but playing it safe and not interfering. I couldn't understand why she didn't say anything before. She could have told me at the bar, out on the sidewalk. I can't trust her either.

With the few things I had in hand, I set myself on a course towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?!" the blond woman asks.

I couldn't explain anything that I had to say, but I could only leave them with a few words.

"I'm so sorry," I say out of remorse.

I open the door and go to leave.

"Claire!" I hear Rose call to me.

I don't even glance back, I just walk away down the hallway towards the elevator. I don't expect her to come after me, and I wasn't disappointed.

The sliding doors open and I take a step inside. Finally, alone, I just feel all the guilt and pain I must have caused. My body felt as if it was being pelted with hundreds of emotional rocks grinding me down to nothing but tears.

Nice going, Claire! Look what you did! You must have known something wasn't right.

Maybe it was just my out of control dreams, but all I wanted was to be happy. And for those split seconds when nothing was wrong, I was happy with...

I can't even say her name...

If I could just disappear, or maybe if I would never have existed, things would be perfectly fine. I wouldn't have destroyed a relationship, I wouldn't feel so awful, I wouldn't ever have to worry about things like this.

But the other side of me wondered and imagined endless possibilities.

What if that kiss didn't mean anything? What if she would follow me to the end of the world? She was clearly planning to do so with whatever her name is a few minutes ago, but I guess I'll never know.

Those parts of my thoughts were nothing compared to the rage and betrayal that pumped through my veins. All I want to do is yell and rip apart everything around me. I could almost believe that the glass mirrors in the elevator would shatter at the sound of my shrieking cries. That maybe I would explode and my epitaph would read "A less than average daughter who exploded after learning she was the other woman."

But nothing like that will happen, because the elevator lets me off on the ground floor and I walk out the front door without looking back.

At least the rain would cover the fact that I had a few dozen tears running down my cheeks.

I watch the water run past my feet, in between the cobblestoned streets. It was just getting heavier and heavier, I could feel it seeping through to my socks. My jean jacket wasn't any help either, seeing as it really isn't an umbrella. It was probably the second worse thing I could have chosen to do today. 

From the fragments of memories that were far and few in between, I slowly tried to piece together the path to my hotel room. It definitely proved to be a challenge for me, I was probably walking in circles for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually, those striking vines and yellow frames caught my eye leading me towards the one place I knew where I could be alone.

I'm feet away from walking in through the front door of the hotel, but I'm a hundred percent sure I was hallucinating someone calling out my name.

"Claire..."