How to be Forever Alone [#Wattys2020]

25.

For a few seconds, I thought I saw my life flash before my eyes. Now I'm just afraid whoever it is might just be waiting for me to walk out of my room to confront me. I don't think I could live through another embarrassing moment in my life.

But what am I supposed to do with myself now? Everything outside of these four walls seems to be absolutely terrifying to me. I could come face to face with my mysterious next door neighbour, or if I venture out even further, I could run into her. I just... I just don't know if I can even face myself.

You can't stay here forever, Claire.

People tell you to follow your heart, but I think my head might be right for once. I think I need to leave, but I can't just keep running away. My little mid-life crisis needs come to an end.

"I need to go home," I whisper to myself.

Without a second thought, I hoist myself up and ruffle my hands through my hair as I go to stand in front of my backpack sitting on the floor.

I don't think I had ever gotten dressed so fast in my entire life. My plain white t-shirt was uncontrollably wrinkly, but I didn't care, I just wanted to leave and nothing was going to change my mind now.

I pick up the few things I had taken out during my incredibly short stay and shove them into the biggest opening in my backpack. Nothing inside of it had any kind of order, everything I had brought with me kind of just became a soup made off all my things. It's a Claire soup.

Taking one last look around to make sure I didn't forget anything, I finally zip my bag up and swing it back over my right shoulder and I grab the key to the room.

The door screeches, with that infamous noise that will never escape my memory, as I open it. I turn the corner down the hall and down the stairs and I arrive back at the run-down front office which clearly said a lot about the rest of the building. My room was not a simple slip out of sequence.

There's a short older woman facing away from me behind the desk, she's flipping through a big roughed up blue binder when I give a small cough to get her attention. She turns around abruptly brushing of her embroidered shirt.

"How may I help you?" she asks smiling.

I place the jingling key on the counter, "I would like to check out, please."

"As you wish," her smile gets even bigger as she takes the key and places it back on the hook on the wall behind her.

I look around the room waiting for the lady to finish writing something on a piece of paper.

"So where you heading off to now?" she asks not meeting my gaze.

"Well," I let out a huff, "I'm going home. I think my adventure is over."

"So where is home?" she continues questioning me.

"Canada. Ottawa to be precise," I say, really just wanting to get out of here.

She doesn't say anything for a minute and I'm not sure what to do, I was expecting her to reply or at least say something. This lady kind of just went back to doing whatever forgetting that I was even here.

Should I say something...?

And right before I go to open my mouth, she finally looks up.

"What are you still doing here?" she asks.

"Oh!" I reply surprised, my eyes wide. "I thought I had to pay you or something."

"No, no, it's all taken care of," she tries to shoo me away.

I didn't pay anything or give her my credit card number when I got here, so none of what she said was adding up.

"Um," I get her attention inquisitively, "But I didn't-"

She cuts me off as soon as I start speaking, "Your friend paid."

"My friend?" I have no friends, at least none here.

"Just be glad you don't have to worry about it," she pesters, "now go home."

"Okay," I say my voice quivering awkwardly as I turn to leave.

I step out on to the cobbled stoned street and I start making my way towards somewhere where I could hopefully find a taxi, it clearly wasn't going to be along the canals. Where that is, I have no idea. I guess I'm just hoping to eventually run into something that will point me in the right direction.

This walk at the very least will help me clear my mind and think through who the hell is my mystery friend. I literally have no clue who it could be. And as far as I know, the one person who it could possibly be is definitely below the line that makes me qualify them as a friend.

If this is what she would consider a form of apology, she clearly underestimated my forgiveness. Good riddance Rose! May I never have to lay eyes on her again.

My feet take one stride at a time, but then as I look up, I knew I had spoken too soon.

That god damned red hair! I just can't get away from her!

She stares right at me maybe a hundred meters away, her eyes in a way relieved to see me. She makes her way closer to me, slowly, but I make sure to turn down the next road. I wished that she wouldn't follow me, but I can sense her steps getting quicker trying to catch up to me. I knew I wouldn't be able to outrun her forever, especially with my bag around my shoulder.

You can do it, Claire, you can face her!

I can't, but I have to and I feel this wall of anger just building up around me.

"Claire! Wait!" she shouts, her words resonating through my head.

I don't think I can take the sound of anything she says, I thought I could, but they clutch to me like a virus my body just can't fight off.

My face exuding everything I despised, red with fury, I yell at her, "WHAT DO YOU WANT!"