metanoia /ˌmɛtəˈnɔɪə/

Lost

Lost is a word which describes my psychological situation right now.

I was walking to the next lecture lost in my thoughts also when I accidentally bumped into something hard.I apologized simultaneously lifting my head a guy I haven't previously seen fixing his blouse  as if a cockroach bumped into him with that redhead whom I forgot her name on his right and Zac to his left.

Of course that's what I've been waitng for more drama.

"Can you look in front of you next time" the blonde guy said with attitude. Zac was smirking evilly because he knew I was in trouble and this was making him satisfied.

" Do you mind if I bump again because obviously I had a choice the first time I did it and bumped into you deliberately" I said mocking his attitude.

"Here she goes again!" Zac said shaking his head. 

"Look this guy is off limits ok...don't you come near him" that redhead threatened.

" Ok now I'm scared" I coldly said, "Are you guys done bullying me because I feel like I'm in high school right now and I obviously have more important matters to do"

"Listen there you prick!" that guy said as he suddenly tugged my hijab threatening to remove it.

That jerk!

"You don't know how dangerous we are...so I suggest you don't dare come near us "

I did the most expected thing I would do.GUESS WHAT!

Kick him where the sun doesn't shine and it worked! :D

"AAAAH...F*ckkk!" He screamed touching his gr*ins painfully.

"Try tugging my hijab again. Be my guest!" I smiled.

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I was sleeping after I returned from college when I heard the door knocking. I quickly wore my hijab and came out.

I saw Zac. What is he doing here now!

"What?" I said.

"Get dressed we are getting married." He ordered casually.

"And I'm supposed to obey you right now"not believing him.

"I don't think you have a choice" He said with confidence.

"Oh really! Is that how things always work with you. What if I don't want" I challenged.

He stared at me blankly as if he a carved idol or something. How does he manage being emotionless or expressionless. Wait is that a word?

Whatever let's get back to his handsome face. What did I say?

DELILAHHH STOP!

Control yourself you can't say these things.

"Are you done staring at my face. Because you have no choice but to go change."

" I told Alex I would think about it...I don't remember saying yes!"

"This would take too long" He muttered getting out his phone.

"Alex wanted me to show you this" He said showing me his phone.

It was a hospital report from my country and it had my mothers name on it. WHAT!!!!
Oh MY God No this can't be happening.

I hard time registering the news Zac showed me on his phone.

When did my mother have Heart attack because of her cardiovascular disease?!! I was a having a hard time digesting all these information therefore I was a having a hard time breathing. Suddenly standing up became such a hard task to do hence my legs ended giving out.

For a second, I thanked god that Zac caught me before falling, his hands on my waist."This can't be happening, How did it happen??! Why don't I know....I-i-is  s-she o-o-ok? Where is she?" I kept muttering in denial while clutching Zac's shirt as if my life depended on it.Oh no I'm panicking

"Delilah don't worry...everything is under control...She is fine, You can call her!" He said reassuringly with such a calm voice that I didn't believed so I looked at him. 

His voice and hands that were around me were the reason why I didn't black out. They made me feel warm although it was wrong but I really needed it. I was staring at him looking into his eyes but finding no answer .

" Y-y-ya-yes c-can I call her" I said desperately with a croaked voice and tear welled eyes.

"There you go" He gave me the phone.

"Mama" I half screamed longing to her voice.

"yes ya binti" Her weak voice spoke hardly and immediately the tears started falling one after the other 

"Mama why didn't tell me what happened with you" I said hardly due to my exerted voice.

" Wallah I couldn't reach you therefore I called Alex since you gave me his number so he could tell you I'm fine" she reasoned, " and Alex insisted on taking care of me financially AlHamdulillah I'm assured you are in good hands now." 

"Ok Mama keep updating me with your condition please..I don't want be the last one knowing " I joked lightening the mood a bit.

"Ok habibti(My love) Take care and call me regularly I want to here your voice..." She said missing me.

"Ok Don't worry"

"Allah Hafith"( God protect you)

"Allah Hafith"

I hanged the phone relieved thanks to God. I gave Zac's phone to him .

"Thank you very much" I told him.

"Don't misunderstand us...you know why we are doing this so I am waiting for you to get dressed" He said nonchalantly as if nothing happened. 

" Whats wrong with you...you were just fine five minutes ago!" I screamed at him.

I swear he's bipolar like how can he shift his mood. Or maybe he's on his period? Of course not I mentally snorted.

"I guess you are taking too long and I think I have time for your lazy ass!" He bowled at me.

"Zac... Dii...What's wrong? Why are you guys screaming? Jane's asleep!" He scolded us.

"I am doing what you told me to do" Zac said.

"You can't do anything rightfully can you?" Alex said angrily.

"He's blackmailing me!" I said frustrated at him.

"I don't remember telling you to scream at her or blackmail her!" he looked at him accusingly.

Alex approached me saying," Listen Dii, I don't mean to blackmail you or anything...Even if you reject my offer I won't stop helping your mother you have my word but please all what I asking is look into it thoroughly..I believe in you."

How can I say No after all his kindness. Even if this meant living with Zac, I can't deny their generousness. Actually Zac is not that bad to live with since he has a nice face...What am I blabbing!

Ok I might have a small crush on Zac and don't ask me how! My heart is actually not against the idea of marriage a lot even though he has such a horrid personality but I can't deny the attraction I feel towards him. 

"I will marry him Alex.. I will" I assured him thus gaining a warming smile from him.

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