What's a Girl to Do? (Season 2)

Chapter Eleven: What Dreams Are Made Of

Nicholas and I had been tiptoeing around each other in the weeks following my baby shower, for Debbie had wasted no time posting a lot of backhanded information about me spending more time with Josh since that day. Although neither of us knew what the other was yet, we knew that we cared about each other, and we were more determined than ever so see where our relationship could go in the future. As April arrived, I was beginning to settle my affairs within the firm in preparation for my maternity leave, not wanting to leave any stones unturned when I wouldn't be in the office to fix them.

"How's the nursery shaping up?" Allie asked me one afternoon as we had lunch together. "I'll bet it's just lovely."

I smiled at her. "No nursery, unfortunately," I replied. "I had to rearrange my bedroom to accommodate a crib for Iana. But, I don't mind—she's going to be sharing a room for me for a couple of years until a house opens up in the neighborhood."

"You want to stay in the neighborhood?" Allie wanted to know.

I nodded. "Yes, of course. It's where I would've been raised anyway if circumstances hadn't prevented that," I replied. "And I know that my siblings had, shall we say, questionable aspects of their upbringing, but..." I shrugged. "I know it's going to be hard—what with me going back to work in a few months—but I'm ready for the challenge. My whole life, up until last July, was a challenge—a living hell—so this will be a cakewalk in comparison."

Allie smiled. "I'm sure you're right," she replied. "I didn't mean anything by my remarks, Murphy. I hope you realize that."

I nodded. "No, I know. It's all a bit of a culture shock, I think," I told her. "I mean, even though I lacked love within my familial unit—if you could really call it that—I was given all the luxury I could ever want. Except total freedom..."

"Where do you think you would be now, if you were raised here, in the South Side?" Allie wanted to know.

I smiled, considering it. "Well, I'm not sure that the whole academia thing would've ended up kicking in," I replied. "Lip and Debbie, my older brother and younger sister, were pretty smart growing up, so maybe I would've taken after then. And maybe... Maybe my twin brother, Ian, maybe he would've had an easier time of it growing up, but..." I felt my shoulders rising and falling as I considered it. "There's no on and off switch for mental illness. I've learned that well over the years."

"You think you would've been happier, growing up here?"

"Can't know that," I replied.

"Just hypothetically speaking."

I mulled it over then, considering it. "I guess what it all comes down to is, what you want and need more in your early life—love or money. I was unloved growing up, but had access to all the money and luxuries that life had to offer. However, if I was raised with my siblings, we wouldn't have had any money, but I would've been surrounded by love..." I think about it then, and the answer comes to me. "I think, before I knew what love was—not just in the romantic sense, but in the platonic and familial senses as well—I would've gone for the life of money but without love, because I wasn't conditioned to know what love was. But now... Now, I want the life without money, but full of love."

"It's just such a shame, that you can't go back and change things."

I nodded. "It is a shame, but what could I have done, right?" I asked, forcing a smile onto my face to prevent myself from crying. "What could a three-month-old have done before being ripped from her twin brother's side?"

. . .

"Getting ready for your final week of work?" Ian asked that weekend as we sat on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between us.