The Gilmore Paladins - "They Shoot Paladins, Don't They?"

Chapter 1

It was fall in the sleepy town of Starship Hollow. The town square was decorated with pumpkins and bails of hay and hanging above the local high school was a giant banner announcing the annual 24-hour dance marathon.

"What about her? She looks like she can shake a leg," said Lotor as he stared out of window of Shiro's Diner.

"The one pushing the stroller or the lady with the limp?" asked Shiro, standing behind Lotor's chair and looking out the diner window into the street.

"The one with the limp."

"Are you saying that because she literally has a shaky leg?"

"She's got a style. That'll make her stand out to the judges."

"She's got a disability."

"Hypocrite!" cried Lotor, looking at Shiro's prosthetic arm.

"I just meant the point of the 24 hour dance marathon is to dance for 24 hours straight. Standing out doesn't matter. Staying standing does."

"Well, she's already pushing through an injury..." began Lotor. He looked up at Shiro who just shook his head. "She's a bit short anyway. I want someone that fits better with my height. Oh! How tall is she?" asked Lotor, pointing at another passerby.

"MR. Coulter is about six eleven."

Lotor rolled his eyes. "You humans and your obsession with gender."

"Not this human. I'm gay."

"See!" snapped Lotor. "There you go putting a label on something that's nothing more than a preference. Gender is an illusion."

"Spoken like an alien pansexual," said Shiro with a groan.

"There. Another label. This must be where my son gets his attitude from." Lotor sighed, his thoughts drifting to his son, Lance. Lance continued to insist that he was straight despite the fact that he'd found himself drawn to Shiro's nephew, the brooding self-proclaimed bad boy Keith. Drawn to him so much so that Lance had kissed Keith at Ezor and Zethrid's wedding last summer. Something he continued to hide from his girlfriend Allura. Lotor adored Allura, she was the best kind of partner for Lance, but he didn't want to see her hurt or used. Of course now Lance was insisting he was 100% dedicated to Allura and almost seemed antagonist to Keith (especially since the little hooligan started dating Rolo.)

"I'm sure you'll find someone willing to dance with you," said Shiro, breaking into Lotor's thoughts.

"But it can't just be anyone," whined Lotor. "I need someone who can win! Someone with stamina! Four year in a row I've come this close to winning." Lotor held up his fingers just millimeters apart. "Last year I swear to the Life Givers I had it!"

"I know the story," deadpanned Shiro.

"It was hour twenty-three..."

"I know the story."

"I'm dancing with Henry "Hoho" Macklefy the Third..."

"How many people heard me say I know the story?" All the other customers in the diner raised their hands.

"And Hoho's fading so I'm trying to buck him up saying, 'c'mon Hoho!' 'Stay with me, Hoho!' and then all of a sudden he starts yelling, 'Quit calling me Hoho! It's making me hungry!'"

Shiro points out the window, "Oh look! There's Tiny Tim!"

"Then out of nowhere, Slav comes dancing by with a Sustenance by Sal to-go bag held high in the air and of course Hoho lunges for the food, drops my hand, and that was it. That's it. Slav wins. Then Slav rubs in my face by telling me I only had a 2.4% chance of winning in this reality anyway. I'm going to get that Hoho someday..."