Octopus Lips

Girls and Boys

The night seemed to be filled with only fog and unanswered questions. I spat into the sink and wiped my mouth of toothpaste. The hum of 9:00 pm weather was eye level to me at all times, and eventually I just had to lie down and try and sleep even though my mind was very much awake and racing around like a fish on a sugar high.

I had never even considered dating girls. I guess I found out Gordon was my soulmate before I really figured out what I liked in a person. We just clicked together instantly and I never wanted anything more or different. Once I had him I was set. There was no need to soul search about whether I liked curly hair or freckles or green eyes of dimples. Gordon was just... perfect.

Now I wanted nothing to do with him.

I was the tree and Gordon Jones was the ground. It would take more power than anyone possessed to pull me out of the earth, the only way was to hack at our relationship slowly until it came crashing down. A slow, painful, agonizing swing into my roots over and over again until I was finally free. That freedom was close, I could feel it.

The next time I saw Gordon was on the outskirts of a crowd at school. He was talking to a group of people he'd never hung out with before. There was a girl around his arm, different then the one from the aquarium. A sour taste filled my mouth.

"Already?" Chase frowned, following my gaze.

"Probably one of the other seven he's dating." Rosie's usually soft face crinkled up with her disapproval.

"Dating's a strong word. None of them will ever be as good to him as Gwen was. At least he's outcasted from us now. He got what he deserved." Chase blew a large blue bubble with her gum and it popped, sharp as her stance.

"That crazy." Ramon stared at her. "You have way too much power, Chase."

She grinned. "What? Little old me? I wouldn't hurt a fly."

"I think I might like girls." I blurted out.

Rosie choked on the water she had been previously sipping from, and the other two turned to stare at me, surprise evident on their faces. Chase looked at most, amused. Ramon was taking it well also, with his calm demeanor and steady gaze intact. Rosie was still wiping water off her face. I hadn't seen Johnny today yet.

"Wh-what?" Rosie stammered after she regained her composure.

"Girls." I folded my hands. "I think I'm attracted to them."

"Hold on," Chase smiled. "Since when? Tell us everything."

"Since always. I was at Johnny's house last weekend. I was accidently there when his brother came out, Johnny, being Johnny, was being difficult so I asked what he would do if I was gay. Now I'm asking myself what would I do if I was gay. Honestly... it's kind of making sense?"

"For real?" Rosie asked.

"Yeah. I don't know... I'm not sure if I'm ready to date again yet but if I'm thinking about the future... and holding another girl in my arms and... kissing her..." I blushed and pressed my hands against my warm cheeks. "I kinda like that idea."

Rosie accidently caught my eyes and then immediately looked down at her feet.

"Aw. You know I though you were a lesbian when I first met you. That's cool, more boys for me." Chase smiled, then went back to her phone, that was it.

"What do you mean?" I frowned at her.

Ramon laughed. "Rainbow hair, Gwen."

"Oh." I couldn't but laugh a little myself. "Well now it's even more fitting."