If you could see me now

2. Confuse

2 years had passed.

I changed. Sa itsura. Sa sexual preferences ko. Sa pananaw sa buhay.

Kung noo'y ang taas ng buhok ko lagpas balikat, ngayon maiksi na itong parang lalake.

Kung noo'y nagdi-dress at nagsho-shorts,ngayon nka tshirt at jeans ako.

At higit sa lahat nagkakagusto na rin ako sa tulad kong babae.

"Babe,anong problema mo?" untag sakin ni Felice, girlfriend ko. Tulala na naman ako.

"Wala babe, may iniisip lang ako." sabi ko.

Hinaplos niya ang mukha ko at her lips goes to mine. Hindi ko inaasahan iyon. Alam kong naglalambing siya. Ayoko siyang biguin kaya I kissed her back. At the back of my mind, I know we should stop this.

"Fel, stop!!" I hissed. But she didn't listen to my protest and go on to what she want.

"Ano ba, Fel?!" Tinulak ko siya ng pagkalakas. Medyo nagulat pa siya sa inasta ko.

"What's wrong?" sabi niya.

"This not right."

"Madalas na natin gawin ito Why are you so hesitate on doing this?"

I looked at those sad hazel brown eyes of her. Maganda si Felice. Kamukha nga niya si Anne Hathaway only she has a brown eyes. We've been together for five months. I could say that I love her but now I don't know if it's more than a friend.

"I'm confuse,Fel." naka face palm ako.

"Confuse of what?" sabi niya.

"With us." Naguguluhan ako. "I need space between us."

"Space? Just tell straight, Zane. Do you have someone else?" Luhaang sabi niya.

"No." I turned my face down. I just can't look at her.

And she walk away.

I know I've been unfair to her. I can't tell her I feel so incomplete. Parang may kulang sa aking pagkatao. I need to find myself. My real me.