lemons 🍋 - a poetry book [✔completed]

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Okay umm a lot has happened since I last published, but I'm on holiday now so more poetry and more emotions because of more free time! Enjoy
🌹

I am killing myself,
Not literally.
But figuratively.
I break myself down inside,
Just like the lies decompose my flesh.
You see, I'm fighting this battle between my brain and my heart.
Tried being logical,
A temporary fix,
But now logic is beginning to cave in.
And my heart is taking rule,
Feeling this emotion is worse than ever.
My heart is turning me away ROM for and friends,
Which seems reasonable,
And at first I agree to it,
But it was beginning to change me,
Replacing my strength with anxiety,
My happiness with nothing,
And my tears with pain.
Irrational thoughts and embarrassing moments gnaw at my bones.
But you see,
I've been told that I am string and bright,
Even beautiful.
But maybe that's not enough.
How could a 'strong' person be driven to the idea that if she'd cut herself just enough for everyone to see her battle scars,
They would leave her alone.
How can a 'bright' person see her happiness fade away
and her grades drop everyday.
How can a 'beautiful' person look at herself naked body everyday and know she's not good enough, so she refuses to eat less and less everyday.
So I'm killing myself.
And I'm growing numb inside,
Drowning in an ocean of my own tears,
I feel alone.
- c•l•c