How to Train Your Dragon: Still Hurts

Always In Your Heart

For some people, the silence can be unnerving. Being in an area with barely any sound can make someone feel uneasy. Not for Hiccup.

For once, he appreciated the quietness within the Great Hall, sitting on the far table of the hall. He needed space. After everything that has happening over the past month, not to mention the tons of work he still had, he had to step away. He needed to finally gain control of his thoughts, as they had been all over the place. He didn't know what was real or not, whether they were playing with him or not. 

Hiccup always thought that if he didn't say anything, what was really going on, the doubts and the guilt would go away. But it only made it worse. Once he finally opened up to Valka, things were definitely getting better. But not completely. The stress of being Chief didn't help at all. All of the speeches, running the village, planning, meetings, etc, just became too much. 

"How did you do it, dad?" he whispered. He closed his eyes, remembering the times when he was a little boy, watching from afar his father, the Great Stoick the Vast ruling all of Berk, while at the same time being there for him as a father. 

"How? How were you able to do all of that and still be sane? I wish I knew how. I wish you were still here."

Suddenly, he felt a small tap on his shoulder - nothing too distracting, but enough to grab his attention. He opened his eyes and turned to his left to see a familiar face; the face of the girlfriend, Astrid.

"Hey. Sorry if I interrupted you." 

"Oh, no, no. You didn't, don't worry." Hiccup replied. He gestured for Astrid to come and sit next to him, to which she happily obliged.

"You aren't home, so I was wondering where you were. Also, I don't remember Toothless ever sleeping during the afternoon." she mentioned. 

Hiccup chuckled, knowing what she was referring to. "Yeah, a bunch of Scuttleclaws were causing a ruckus, so Toothless tried to stop them. But it took a long time, because, you know, babies don't listen to the alpha. Must have taken a toll on him."

Astrid chuckled as well. "Wow. Well, it ain't easy being the alpha, you know."

"Or the chief." Hiccup mentioned, which made his smile that he had slowly disappear.

"Hey, are you OK?" Astrid asked, noticing this. 

Hiccup was about to speak before stopping himself. 'It's nothing' was what he was about to say. But it wasn't nothing, and he knows it. Saying that was the reason his mind was all over the place, playing with his thoughts and for a moment, he believed it. He won't hide it anymore, he knows he can't.

He quickly a deep breath before speaking again. "It's just... I knew going in, being Chief was never going to be easy. But... I don't know. Sometimes, I just feel lost. I try to think, but I think about something else. I... I just wish Dad was here. He would know what to do, he would know what to say to me. He..." Hiccup stopped, feeling a tear running down his cheek which he quickly wiped away. 

He then felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to Astrid. "I know this isn't easy for you. And I know you want to live up to your father's legacy. I know I would. But you shouldn't try to push yourself like this. You shouldn't try so hard to be like Stoick, because you know that you are not. You're Hiccup." Astrid said confidently. 

"I know, but it would still be nice for him to give me some advice, just so I know I'm doing it right." Hiccup clarified. 

Astrid sighed a bit. "I know you miss him. We all do. But that doesn't mean he's not here." She then placed her hand on his chest. "He's with you. He never left. You just need to listen and he'll show you the way." She removed her hand from his chest. "I know that for sure." 

Then, all of a sudden, Hiccup suddenly felt a warm sensation on his chest. It was small, but it made a big impact around him. It felt underwhelming, almost reducing him into a crying wreck. Whether it was real or his mind playing him again, he didn't care.

He looked at Astrid and smiled. "Thanks, Astrid."

Astrid smiled back and kissed him on the cheek. "No problem. And thank you for telling me." There was a small silence between them, which was needed for a bit, before it was interrupted by a small chuckle from Astrid.

"Are you OK?" Hiccup asked.

"Yeah. Just remembering how handsome you were back then." she said, looking straight ahead. 

Confused, Hiccup looked to where she was looking. Then, a huge smile came upon his face, remembering why he sat at the far table in the first place - to see the portrait painting of him and Stoick when Hiccup was 15. 

"Yeah, I remember." he chuckled, before resting his head on Astrid's shoulder, which she allowed. He then closed his eyes and for the first time, his mind was calm and restful.

He smiled.

"Thank you, dad. I love you."

"I love you too, son. I'm so proud of you."