My thoughts and stories// editing and revising

Lonliness

This is going to be a longer one so just warning you before you dive in

Friends. Let's get something straight, I have friends but then again I don't if that makes sense, I don't have close friends but I do have a best friend. I wouldn't say we have a deep bond because I don't share my deep problems with her because she just simply wouldn't understand, nothing against her Ilh. So me not having friends who I can share my feelings with such as racial problems and me being depressed and other things I tend to feel lonely.

Loneliness. I seem to have no real friends, not necessarily fake but not the kind I can share things with either. Maybe if I have friends I wouldn't feel like this. I can't exactly pinpoint the emotion I feel but I think it is loneliness.
I don't have friends because I am not outgoing. I'm an introvert. I won't make the first move and maybe if I did I would have more friends. People tend to want to be your friend and approach you if your are " popular" or pretty or have an outgoing personality. I have none of those things so I feel like that contributes to me not having many friends.
Another solution that runs through my head is having a boyfriend. I have this solution in my head for a few reasons. The first reason is this very app. I read stories of female protagonists of all kinds and most if not all have this guy they meet in some weird circumstance or normal. The guy usually protects her, holds her in his big, strong arms at night, how can you ever be lonely? Another reason is the reasoning in my head.
A boyfriend is basically a best friend with stronger emotions that you can tell ANYTHING even if they aren't relatable. You'll always be their number one and they'll always be yours, you cry with them you laugh with them, it's just indescribable.
Ok so there are flaws in this situation. 1) I'm only 13 almost 14 and at my age we don't have those type of cuddle all night cry in your arms type of relationships. We have the sit with each other at lunch and only hang out at school type of relationships. And these only last about a month. 2) Again my thought process, all of the people at my school either have boyfriends because they are popular, really pretty, have an outgoing personality, or hang out with guys. I don't meet any of those requirements so I couldn't get a boyfriend even if I wanted.