Hey God, It's Caty

2. Feeling Sad And Mad

Hey God,

It's Caty.

My back is KILLING me today. I got to sleep in late, which was nice. But my back has been hurting all day and I don't really know what to do about it. I have taken all my medicine. I need to take a shower but I am not sure how my back is going to handle that.

I feel sad today. Just generally sad. Not rhyme or reason to it, just feeling sad. I wish I could go out and do things. Tomorrow I am going shopping so I am excited about that. But I just feel really sad today. I am probably feeling sad because I am hurting so much. My pain makes me feel depressed. It's not chemical depression, just depression over my circumstances. But hey, depression is depression and it sucks. If I wasn't in pain all the time, I wouldn't even feel sad. But since I am in pain all the time, I feel depressed. It really sucks to be in pain all the time but then I have to feel depressed. Physically and mentally hurting. Really makes me mad at you.

I am mad at you because I have been through seven years of hell (yes I cursed but yes it has been seven years of hell). I wish I could feel your love, comfort, goodness, just something other than anger and pain. I am sick and tired of being in pain. Why won't you make me better? Why can't I have a normal life? A life free of mental illnesses and physical pain. Why me God? Why me?!!?! Do you hate me and my family? Haven't we been through enough?!

I really hate being sad and mad but it's the best I can do right now. I am just making it the best I can.

Thank you for listening.

Love always

-Caty