Becoming Starkid

A Familiar Face

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:

                  I don’t have an exact reason for making things stay casual with Joe, but I just couldn’t force myself to be in a relationship with him. As much as I try, I can just never find the idea of being someone’s girlfriend. I cringe at the thought of being’s someone’s property. Honestly it scares me. The thing I fear the most are those three simple words, I love you. I act like I am too good for labels, and I’m embracing my independence, but its mostly a lie. Because love is messy, it hurts, and it could change people for the rest of their lives. I learned this the hard way. I mean, look at Romeo and Juliet. They didn’t exactly get their happy ending, did they? But I still hang out with Joe almost everyday. And we end up having sex almost everyday as well. We aren’t to discreet about sneaking around to hook up, so all of friends know what we are doing. And Joe can’t keep his mouth shut about it to save his life. I don’t know why everyone tells me to be so careful around him; he is a perfect gentleman to me. He isn’t even my boyfriend, and he treats me like a princess. But it is hard to watch the pain in his eyes every time I don’t look back at him in the same way he looks at me.

“Joe!” I jump him to greet him.

“Hey darlin’,” he says spinning me around.

“Are you excited? The opening of Me and My Dick is in only three days!”

“Yeah I’m stoked. And that means I get to spend even more time with you backstage.”

“You sure do.” We find a small patch of grass in a secluded area behind some buildings. There are plenty of trees and bushes around, so I feel like we are hidden in a forest. I catch Joe staring at me.

“What? I know I look like shit, I didn’t get much sleep last night,” I say.

“No, that’s not it,” he says averting his glance, “It’s just, sometimes I’ m still shocked by how stunning you are, I can’t help but stare.”

Damnit. Why does he have to be so fucking nice to me? It makes me feel even worse. I have nothing to say in reply, so I pull him in by his shirt and kiss him. Like always, the kissing gets more intense and clothes start to come off. Soon we are completely naked, outside, with only some trees surrounding us.

“Do you think this is safe?” asks Joe.

“Probably not,” I murmur, “But I like it. Its dangerous, that’s hot.”

Joe agrees by rolling on top of me and sucking hard on my neck. His thumbs stroke up and down my sides in pace with his kissing, which slowly starts to move down and down, He reaches my stomach, and teases me kissing my inner thighs and hips. He teases me more, everything so slow and gentle, making my anticipation grow. He finally goes down on me and I start to moan. He picks up speed and intensity making me gasp and moan louder. He doesn’t give me a break, and keeps building force to the point that I have to bite my lip to keep from screaming. I grasp the ground beside me, pulling up grass but I don’t notice. My whole mind is fuzzy and is only processing the feeling of extreme pleasure. At this point I can’t imagine any reason for wanting anybody else but Joe.

I get to theater early for our tech rehearsal. I am surprised that most of the cast is already there. They are all screaming, laughing, and hugging each other happily. I wonder what’s happening but the crowd parts a bit and I see why they are so excited. All I catch is a glimpse of dark curly hair, but I know. Darren has come home.

“Darren!” I shout making my way towards him, “Your back!”

“Sure am. Eastwick got cancelled and you all are finding this as a reason to celebrate,” he says. I’ve forgotten how warming his voice is. He leans in for a hug and being in his arms again feels great. The numbness I had developed about my feelings towards him was pulsing back to life. But then I remember the horrid way Darren and I had left things before he took off and recoil. We will have to talk about it to if we want to return to being friends. I can tell he is thinking the same thing. People start to shove me out of the way to hug and congratulate Darren and I notice him mouth to me,

“Talk later tonight.”

I hang around after rehearsals over. I was proud of my performance, and the performance of others as well. It is going to be a solid show. But still, today was hard, with Darren watching in the wings, it took a little more concentration to remember all my lines. Why does this happen to me around him? I am supposed to always be in control, always have the right thing to say, but my mind has been going to mush. And I thought I was happy with Joe, but that is all changing. I need to clear my head. I grab my pair of pointe shoes from my bag and tie them up. And I dance. I love dancing. I love feeling completely in control of my body and what I am doing. I let myself get lost in the movement.

Glissade.Fouetté. Developpe. Grande jeté. I don’t realize that I am not alone until I hear clapping. I locate the source of the clapping as Darren appears from the darkness. “Damn, Darren. Why do always sneak up on me like that?” I accuse him. “Sorry,” he apologizes, “I’ve never seen you dance like that before. Its beautiful.” I don’t acknowledge his compliment. And I notice his face, his warm smile I saw before has vanished. He looks at the floor sadly. “Look Darren, I’m sorry about the fight we had when you left. I should’ve shown you how proud I was of you; I was just caught off guard. I didn’t want you to leave,” I say, “I realize that. I didn’t think you were really mad at me or anything,” He responds. “Then will you quit looking so sad over there? What’s the matter with you?” He looks up from the floor and our eyes meet, “You’re dating Joe?”