Becoming Starkid

Heart-to-Heart

CHAPTER THIRTYTHREE:

                  I have to go home for the weekend to visit my family in California.  I am from a town just outside of Santa Barbara so I feel obliged to tell Darren I’m in the LA area. He insists that before I fly back to Chicago, I come visit him. So I drive on to the Warner Bros lot and park in the spot Darren told me to meet him. I look around for the familiar curly hair and smile but there is only a security guard. The large guard looks at me and asks,

“Are you Andy Belvore?” I confirm and he gestures me to follow him. We wind around some buildings and enter through a huge garage. Then I hear the voice I know and love,

“ANDY!” Darren is standing there arms open. I race to him and squeeze him tightly, and I remember how much I have missed Darren. When our bodies meet, I flashback to the time when I felt Darren’s heartbeat in my dream. I remember how his touch affected me and how electrifying it felt to be with him. It’s still hard to believe I imagined it all, it felt so real.

“Wow, Dare, you look different.” And he does. His curly hair is slicked back and he wears a sharp blazer with red piping.

“I’m a warbler! Ain’t I debonair? C’mon, lemme show you around this place.” He shows me all the sets and wardrobes of Glee. It is quite interesting to see how a real TV shows runs. I meet the choreographer, Zach Woodlee and exchange dance techniques and he shares some tricks about choreographing. It’s almost time for me to head out to catch my flight but Darren and I have to grab a quick bite before I leave.

“I miss you Andy, I don’t want you to leave,” He says

“I miss you too Dare,” If he only knew how much, I think.

“What if you didn’t leave?”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not. You belong here in LA Andes. First of all, you’re a West Coast girl so that makes sense, and I really think you could make it here. You’re immensely talented, and let’s face it, you’re ten times as hot as any girl heartthrob.”

“You’re crazy. I couldn’t leave everyone, and anyway, I would have nowhere to live and nowhere to work.”

“You’ll find work, and you could live with me! And you wouldn’t be abandoning the gang, a lot of the guys are thinking of moving down here anyways.”

“Yeah but, I couldn’t just leave Joe.”

“Oh yeah. Joe. How’re things?”

“Really good. We’ve worked out the issues from before. I’m happy!” I exclaim overenthusiastically. I don’t why I am stating this so aggressively, maybe to convince myself.

“Okay, but just promise me you’ll at least think about it.”

“I promise.”

Joe is waiting for me at the airport when I get home. I run to him and passionately make out with him. For some reason I want to feel that thing, the thing that scares me so much, the thing I feel around Darren, the yearning in my chest. But it’s not there.

I am immediately rushed into a rehearsal for the song “The Way I Do.” I love this song, and I get to duet with Joey, and I love working with him. Dylan and Meredith head out early, so it’s just the two of working. We get distracted and start chatting. I ask him,

“So how’s Lauren? You’re treating her well?”

“Of course!” he says, “I could never do anything to hurt her.”

“I’m jealous.”

“Jealous? Andy Belvore jealous of two people in love? I thought you were the girl who doesn’t want love, doesn’t need it.”

“Everyone needs love, Joey, and how did you even know that?”

“Walker is quite the talker. And it isn’t that hard to tell from your fuck it personality. So tell me, why are you jealous? Sick of your sex based relationship.”

“Well, I don’t really know. Yeah, having great, lustful sex purely based off physical attraction is nice. But there’s no infatuation, you know?”

“I guess I understand. And I think I’ve got you penned.

“What?”

“Remember one of the first time we hung out I told you I would figure you out, well I have. You’re the girl who wants what you can’t have. When Joe wants to be with you all you want is sex, but when you have that, you want more.”

“You may be right,” I think allowed, “Or maybe I want someone I can’t have.” I clasp my hand over my mouth; I know I’ve said too much. I look at Joey and he looks shocked.

“Andy,” he says earnestly, “Is there someone else besides Joe?”

I know I won’t snake my way out of this one so I give in and nod my head.

“There is this one guy. But I don’t know how I feel about him. It’s just all too confusing, because I never know how he feels either, and I don’t want to hurt Joe, because I do like him, and would even be worth it? There is so much I can’t figure out…”

“Whoa, girl. It sounds stressful. Try to not agonize over it. Things will work themselves out.” I smile genuinely. Joey is good at making people feel better.

“You won’t say anything about this, will you?”

“My lips are sealed.”