4 a.m. ☞ dt

0.7 - charlotte

4 a.m.
0.7 - charlotte

grayson was mesmerizing. we met every day for a week outside of the gym. i'd sit at starbucks when he worked that shift and do minimal grocery shopping to spend time with him at safeway. of course, we still met up every day at four a.m. - that would always be our thing, i thought. i was skipping all of my hours at work to spend time with him, which was probably leading to me getting fired. but that's didn't matter to me, because conveniently, the strip mall that grayson worked in was almost exactly between our two homes. the thought of getting a job here crossed my mind. then, i decided that was a little too obsessive for my taste so i would get a job at the rue twenty one that was down the strip. i put in my application four days ago and i was anxious to hear back.

the things i was doing because of this boy was crazy. he helped me breathe for the first time in a long time. he helped me realize there's always going to be new possibilities tomorrow, because if i hadn't gone to the gym i may have never met him. i'd still be sitting at home with xavier or working all day long. he helped me feel free. obviously, i still had to go home at night. i made sure to go to bed before xavier got home from the bar and hoped that he wouldn't wake me; and so far he hasn't. because he was being so calm and compliant the past week, i was thinking maybe it would be easier to leave him. he wouldn't be so violent.

i felt more for grayson, the boy i met nearly three weeks ago, than my boyfriend of three years, xavier. and it scared me. i've known for a while that i didn't love xavier anymore, but i don't ever remember feeling the same magnet / steel connection that grayson and i have. maybe it was only infatuation. maybe we would never truly fall in love. but i was willing to take my chances.

"hurry up,"  i giggled, pushing the boy out of the door. he rolled his eyes at me and pushed me back gently.

"you're so mean to me." he sighed, wiping fake tears from his eyes.

"you're a pussy." i insulted him, and he burst into laughter. his laugh made me laugh. it was boomy and echoed and genuine. he was so gorgeous. his fluffy chestnut hair and big, masculine muscles made me swoon every time i looked at him. and he wants to spend every day with you, my subconscious reminded me, and the thought made me glow.

i looked him up and down as we walked down the side walk. a couple days ago i began to notice the miscellaneous bruises on his arms and i began to think that was the reason he was drawn to me. home was hell for both of us. and that's terrible, obviously, but it brought us together. even if we were only friends at the moment.

i pondered how someone could hurt such a lovely boy. i couldn't imagine him hurting a fly. he keeps building up these walls so high because no one has made an attempt at climbing them - until me, of course. and brick by brick, he was letting the walls fall.

grayson walked me to my apartment before he went home himself. he was so compassionate when he wanted to show it. his lack of friends really shaped his personality. he was shy. he was simple. he stuttered a lot. he was quiet. but he wasn't any of those things with me. he only stuttered when he was beyond nervous, which was only the case when he saved me that night in the alley and when i asked him what he kept writing in that stupid notebook he carried in his bag everywhere. he wouldn't answer, though. he simply said, "uh- uhm, not really, not really anything important or anything,"

that poor sweet boy.

i walked inside the apartment labeled '47' and made a bowl of ramen. after a few hours, i decided to go to sleep around my usual time, eight thirty, to avoid contact with xavier. my last thought before i drifted to sleep was, why hasn't he touched me this week?