4 a.m. ☞ dt

2.0 - charlotte

4 a.m.
2.0 - charlotte
song: nervous by the neighbourhood

i couldn't bear to tell gray the truth. i told him i didn't want us to move too quickly because we were moving in together, which although true, was not the real reason i couldn't be his girlfriend. i didn't know how i felt about him. or ethan. or xavier. it wasn't only grayson's fault, it was all of ours. they'd all found a way to inch into my heart and a part of me spared them the entrance.

i didn't know what i wanted from all of them and i was determined to figure it out before i got myself into an official relationship. i was moving into an apartment with gray in a couple days, so i figured i'd have plenty of time to experiment then. it was time to take a look at the next option. ethan.

i was sitting at one of my favorite coffee shops waiting for ethan to meet me. he and i set up a small date on his break from work. i hadn't ordered yet, i was waiting for him to arrive so that we'd go up to the counter together. it sounded stupid, and honestly, the concept was very stupid. i'd tell everyone i could stand up for myself without anybody's help but then i was too afraid to order a mocha by myself.

the bell rang at the door a few feet away from my window seat, resulting in my glancing towards the entrance. a sigh escaped my lips and a weight fell from my shoulders. finally.

"hey charlie, my meeting ran late," ethan greeted me. i stood to my feet, smiling at him and exchanging a sweet hug. i explained that i didn't order yet because i was waiting for him, to which he replied with an apology. i, of course, told him not to worry about it and followed him to the dark marble counter.

he and i ordered our drinks. ethan politely paid for mine and i didn't object, i was soon going to have a home and homes were entitled to bills. i didn't make much with the little hours the store had been giving me, so i hoped grayson and i would have enough to stay afloat.

while we waited for my mocha and ethan's coffee ethan cracked a few lame jokes as an attempt to make me laugh, which i obviously did. i rolled my eyes at his harmless flirting and went along with it. ethan was a nice guy, it was possible we just had a bad first encounter. especially with gray being so protective and jealous all the time. how was i supposed to explore the world if the moment i was set free i was lured right back into a cage?

when our drinks came, we sat back down at the high top i had picked out for us prior to ethan's arrival. he teased me for ordering an iced caramel mocha with extra whip, telling me it was a basic white girl drink. in my defense, at least we weren't in fall and surrounded by pumpkin spice.

"well, at least i don't take my coffee straight black," i joked, sticking my tongue out. he laughed sarcastically, shoving me playfully.

"i can't help it. i like what i like."

he said this with such confidence that i was taken aback. he licked his lips, staring at me as he replied. he wasn't just talking about the caffeinated beverage he'd ordered.

the comment made me flush. i wasn't used to recovering such direct compliments, if that was even the proper word for the attention ethan had shown me. it made me more confident; and yes, slightly uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. it was uncomfortable in the sense that it was uncharted waters. i always just knew xavier was attracted to me. grayson was soft in his affection, shy, even. ethan was so sure of himself and it honestly looked very well on him.

"i like you too, ethan." i laughed it off, shifting in my seat and placing my hand under my chin. the little differences between him had really shown to me. not only the personality change, it was their face, too. their bodies. they were physically different in the slightest of ways but i had studied their faces so closely that they hardly seemed to look alike anymore. i bet if i had told myself that they weren't similar the day i met ethan i would've looked at myself in horror, asking if i'd gone blind in the future.

ethan's freckles were placed in different spots than grayson's. gray's face was longer and not nearly as chiseled as e's. (sorry g girls) grayson's forehead was a smidge bigger. their lips were shaped differently. it was all so different, but at the same time so comparable. their eyes and nose were the same shape and size. they were both very attractive nonetheless, they were just attractive in different ways.

the same way went for personality. grayson was very passive, usually at least. ethan acted on the things he wanted. right from the get go he asked me on a date. that may have been a trait i'd have seen as admirable if i wasn't considering myself "with" grayson at the time. ethan knew who he was and what he wanted, whereas grayson was confused almost all of the time. it was ironic that the one thing he wasn't confused about (me) happened to be the thing confused about him.

but almost in the same way, the twins were both perplexing in different ways. why did grayson change so much after the return of his brother? why did ethan lie about grayson going crazy on an ex if there wasn't an ex to begin with? why did ethan want me if he knew grayson wanted me? originally, that's why i thought he wanted me in the first place. for the simple fact that grayson did. but ethan acts different... he doesn't treat me like a game. he treats me with respect and shows affection. he was a good guy. so what was the initial attraction?

"char-lotte!" ethan sang, laughing at me. i quickly realized my thoughts had drawn me in too far and distracted me from my date. i giggled in return.

"sorry."

"you're good," he laughed it off. shining his signature smirk. "thinking of me?"

you have no idea.

"maybe," i replied, sending a smirk of my own.

for the rest of ethan's short break we talked about random things, like how it hadn't rained in a quite a long time, which was very unusual. we talked about how he was hoping to get a promotion soon, a subject that i found impressive because of how young and well off he already was. i told him i wished i had a stable, good-paying job.

we talked about graysons behavior the past couple of days and even touched on dinner the other night. he took that as an opportunity to tease me about sleeping with him over grayson. this comment, of course, made me flush in embarrassment. there definitely was a small part of me that wanted to sleep with ethan rather than gray, despite the argument grayson and i had.

eventually, ethan had to go back to work. this i dreaded. i was having a good time talking with him over coffee and i hoped to do it again soon. he promised we would, knowing drinking coffee was in fact one of my favorite pastimes. we walked out of the shop together, gradually walking to our different directions. today had left me more confused than ever, and although i was happy i found that i had feelings for ethan, i almost regretted it. but i still bad one other person to talk to.

a/n

wow a back to back update?????

not on here rip

i updated my new ethan story last night and this right before school started so i mean i guess u can say i'm putting in work xP

never let me do that again.  gross.

okAY i hope u have the best day ever like my homie spongebob

i lOVE U SM

chlo .xx