Public Diary

Dreams About my Crush

I have been having a lot of dreams about my crush lately. I don't know why. I know she likes me back but, I haven't thought about her in a while and, was actually almost over her. Then, about three nights ago, I had a dream where I was umm... having sex with this cute brunette. I know, TMI but, I remember seeing my crush there, watching with jealousy in her eyes. For the sake of the story, we will call my crush, Mia. That's common enough. Okay so, Mia and I have kind of a weird past together. So, here is how we met.

I was with my now, ex-girlfriend, who we'll call, Madi for about 2 months give or take when Mia came up to me while I was sitting in the corner of the bleachers in gym class.

Let me get one thing straight before I continue, Madi didn't have gym class with me but, she had every other class with me. So, this was a class that I spent alone, recharging my social batteries.

So, Mia came up to me and we exchanged greetings and "How are you?" 's before she requested to ask a question. I told her she could and, she asked, "If you weren't dating Madi, would you date me?" at first I was shocked but, I answered, "Of course I would. I think you are beautiful." She blushed and returned the compliment before asking me not to tell anyone she asked me that. I obliged and she walked away.

I remember having a small crush on her before Madi and I started dating but, I brushed it away since I didn't think she was interested in girls.

Let's skip ahead to after Madi and I break up due to lost feelings.

I remember being quite infatuated with Mia and I was trying so hard to flirt with her. I wanted to see if she still felt the way I did.

The day before Madi and I broke up, Mia had asked if we were still dating. I had replied yes but, Mia didn't know that I was planning on ending the relationship with Madi the next day.

I remember asking my best friend, who we will call Jake, for tips on flirting with girls since he had a girlfriend at the time. Jake and I talked for a bit before the bus bell and, he managed to talk me into asking Mia for her number.

I was super giddy when I got her number! I put the number in my bag, and left for the buses, saying bye to Jake who rides carpool.

I remember bragging to my friends on the bus with me about it since I was so excited. I texted her immediately when I got home and, we had a short conversation, filled with questions and small talk. I was so nervous talking to her so, I confided in Jake who told me how flirty to be, and when to tone it down a bit. All went well and, Mia and I still keep in contact.

Madi and I's relationship lasted for a long time so, this all took place over the last few weeks of school.

I remember asking Mia if she was interested in a relationship with me. She declined only because she didn't want a short relationship due to summer break and, that if we are still interested in each other when the next school year starts then maybe we can date then.
Now that you have the backstory, we can get into the dreams.

The first one was the one described at the beginning of the story and, that's the one that started this phenomenon of dreams. The next dream I remember is one where I'm in a relationship with a guy, and I'm still in the closet, which is weird because, I'm 100% out of the closet and proud to be who I am but, I have been in a situation like this before.

My mom wanted me to have a boyfriend so, I got one even though I knew I didn't like guys. I told my mom that but, she didn't want any of that so, she forced me to be straight. She can't do that anymore because she's dead now but, I really wish she wasn't like that because I really only have memories of emotional abuse from her.

Sorry about that, let's get back to the dream.

So, I remember having a secret relationship with Mia in the dream as well.

My dream boyfriend knew I was a lesbian so, he helped me hide it, much like my real life ex-boyfriend.

I don't really remember anything else from the dream except for that.
After that dream, I woke up to a text from Mia. It read, "Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy how you been?"

I didn't reply because I was still freaked out from the dream.

I did reply later, telling Mia that I haven't been on my phone a lot lately and, that I was sorry I didn't get back to her sooner.

I do remember having another dream with her in it but, I don't remember what it was about.

I do still have a huge crush on Mia but, what's up with her showing up in my dreams?

I don't know what this means. I'm only 13 and I can't decipher dreams.
Anyone know what this could mean?
I'm honestly lost for explanation here.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

Have a nice day! Kay bye. -Marie♡