Letters and Words

January 6th

Dear diary,

Tyler called me last night. I talked to him. He told me my voice was nice.

I was in my first-period class, the girl in front of me told me to stop tapping, I apologized, I bit the inside of my cheek instead.

I made it bleed.

I felt blank today, I didn't eat again.

I wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear, nobody looked at me, but all I felt were eyes.

I went outside for lunch, I drew birds today.

Someone I didn't know called them beautiful. I stuttered thanks.

She gave me her hand. I wiped mine on my pants before I shook it.

She laughed, it made her curls bounce.

Her name was Lilly, she was pretty.

She sat with me. We didn't talk.

It felt nice. She put a piece of paper on my lap and walked away.

The bell rang before I opened it. I put it in my sketchbook.

The rest of my classes blurred together, I felt empty still.

I worked hard on my worksheet in class, even though I kept tapping or curling my toes until it hurt.

My ticks act up when I feel like people are staring.

I didn't like it. The last bell rang.

I handed my teacher a finished worksheet.

He smiled at me today.

Tyler met me outside, he held my hand again. I didn't talk today.

We walked a little closer.

Mom was home tonight, we ate dinner.
I curled in her bed with her.

I slept with her. She rubbed my hair.

Goodnight
                  -River A.