The next morning Sam got back from his run to find his boyfriend staring at himself in the mirror, arching his back and looking at the bump, the look on his face being nothing shy of depressed and disgusted. He saw Sam and quickly pulled his shirt down, walking away from him into another corner of the room. "What's the matter Buck?" He asked, making his voice as soft as possible. "I-I'm disgusting." He whispered, his arms wrapped around his stomach as he turned his back to Sam.
"Baby-" "Don't 'Baby' me! I know what I am! I have eyes! I can only guess as to the reason why we haven't had sex in 4 fucking months!" He shouted, turning around in frustration. "I mean- for gods sakes look at me! I'm a fucking freak-" "Bucky stop that!" He reaches out to hold his flesh shoulder and Bucky slapped the hand away. "I don't deserve your affection. I don't deserve a kid! How dare I bring a life into this world after slaughtering hundreds! Like they were pigs!" He yelled, crossing to the other side of the room.
"I... I don't deserve you..." he whimpered, bolting out the door. "JARVIS lock the doors!" Sam shouted, running after him. "Oh fuck you!" He spat out, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. "How dare you make me prisoner when all I want to do is leave so you can be happy!" He shouted, leaning up against the wall as he tried to catch his breath from the looming anxiety attack.
"James..." Sam muttered, walking closer to him, "you make me happy- YOU. Do you understand me?" Bucky shook his head. "James you make me the happiest person on earth! Do you know how badass it felt to maneuver in the skies with you on my shoulders sending down a hail of bullets? It felt goddamn amazing!" "Well I c-c-can't do that anymore- not now.." "Good! Well- not good, but I don't want you doing that stuff, not right now, I am over the moon just being able to sit on the couch and rub your back while I show you Seinfeld. You're having my fucking kid! If I wasn't over the moon, if I was just pretending to love you- don't you think Steve would've killed me by now?"
Bucky cracked a smile against his own will, feeling his heart rate slow down little by little. "You are badass, you are beautiful- I worship every damn scar on your body and if I now have to kiss every single stretch mark on your stomach to make you believe that I will do it alright? You're my everything Buck- I need you to understand that." Bucky nodded, "I love you..." he mumbled, feeling a little woozy.
He stumbled forward, failing to catch himself and Sam holding him up, helping him walk over to the couch. "See? I'll catch you when you fall." "Damn... something Steve could never do for me." He croaked out with a smirk. "Ooh dark- see that's what I love about you. You're the only one of these goddamn super humans that doesn't talk about righteousness all the damn time." Bucky laughed a little bit and leaned his jaw up to meet his lips in a kiss.
"Are you feeling alright? You look a little pale and you almost took a spill there." "I'm just dizzy... bordering on the unconscious." "Let's get you to the lab alright? That attack couldn't have been good for you." Bucky shook his head rapidly in a frenzy. "I'll be there the whole time, and it'll just be Bruce and your doctor- you trust her right?" Bucky reluctantly nodded and Sam helped him up and to the elevator.
"Hey Bruce, Hello Dr. Yao." She smiled over at him and waved, "Hi Mr. Wilson, is everything alright?" She asked, taking her gloves off and walked over to him. She was always on call for the Avengers, specifically Bucky now, not that she particularly minded being able to mess around with a cute single doctor her age in a multi million dollar laboratory day in and day out. Bucky clung to Sam's side, 30% due to dizziness and 70% due to his general fear of the place. "Well, not exactly. Bucky had a bit of an episode and he's really shaky and dizzy and pale- I dragged him down here cuz I wasn't sure what else to do."
She nodded, smiling over at Bucky. "How are you feeling?" She asked, guiding them over to the small obstetrics office she had. "Dizzy, nauseous, kind of feel like passing out..." he let go of Sam and leaned over the closest garbage can, which was thankfully huge and gave him something to support himself on. He threw up and spit, quickly joining Sam's side again. "Scratch the nausea..." She nodded and handed him a small cup of water when they entered the office, Bucky sitting on the big bed, his torso wavering a bit.
She grabbed a blood pressure cuff and sighed softly at the meter, looking up at him. "Have you been watching the meditation videos I gave you?" He shook his head softly, an ashamed blush appearing on the pale skin. "Your blood pressure is very high, and it's not a judgement, I understand that your life is stressful, and you've been through a lot, but over the next few weeks I need you to take some time each day to just calm down, be at peace for even a little while. It can be the meditation videos I gave you, or the pregnancy yoga videos I gave you." Sam raised an eyebrow. Bucky attempting Yoga? Now there was a sight he wanted to see.
Bucky nodded and sighed, "how do I get rid of this feeling right now?" "They're just dizzy spells, it's another gift of pregnancy, there's nothing to worry about with that at least. Are you still feeling faint?" He nodded a little, "not as much as before." "Good. Just rest up in bed for a little while that's what I recommend. We can do an ultrasound if you want, make sure everything's okay- will that calm you down?" Bucky nodded quickly. She smiled and patted his arm. "Well let's do that, but after I'm prescribing a nap for you, did you sleep last night?" She asked, looking at his under eyes. The brunette shook his head and Sam gave him a soft look.
"Well- maybe more than a nap then." She said, pulling out the machine and smiling. Dr. Yao spread the warm jelly on his stomach, grabbing the transducer and pressing it to his stomach. "She looks fine- her heart rate is a little fast, but nothing to be worried over. She seems fine, do you want to hear the heartbeat?" Bucky and Sam froze, looking up at her. "She?" "Oh shit- I mean- shoot- darn." She caught her tongue and sighed, "I always forget if I told patients or not... I'm sorry." "No no it's amazing- that's great." Bucky said, a tear running down the side of his face.
He looked over at Sam who was equally teary eyed, staring in awe at the screen. "A baby girl.." Sam whispered, capturing Bucky's lips in a kiss. "I'm having a little girl." He whispered back, a smile spreading on his cheeks. "Oh she's going to be so badass!" Sam said through his teeth, making the other chuckle weakly. The heartbeat was quick and strong and it made Bucky all the more confident in what he was doing. Fuck yeah. A little kickass girl. Perfect.
(( http://begitalarcos.tumblr.com/post/119510187685/sometimes-when-things-seem-to-be-falling-apart-i ))
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How to Freak Out an Emotionally Unstable Super Soldier. By: Sam Wilson
FanfictionSteve's kids are nearing two when Bucky starts feeling strange. Steve and Natasha have their own working theory about what's going on with the assassin, and Sam's worries about his now very distant boyfriend come to a head. Bucky is already two step...
