Love is not a defect

John Watson has a past <7>

A/N***

I'm writing this chapter while crying profusely so any typos won't be visible to me because of the tears. I'm watching johnlock fan videos made for the reichenbach fall and then john getting married and I'm getting my iPad all wet. JUST ONE MORE MIRACLE SHERLOCK! FOR JOHN! Why cannnt bbc see that they should be canon!!!! Ok on with my writing! Warning triggers and sap and feels. *gross sobbing continues*

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When supper was over I quickly walked back to my room. We'll sprinted would be a better word but I won't admit to doing that. When I opened the door, Sherlock was gracefully sprawled across his bed, long slender fingers steepled close to his lips.

"Sherlock?" I ask hesitantly.

Sherlock opened his eyes acknowledging that he heard me, but his position remained the same. "Why did you leave, Sherlock?" I ask.

About 15 minutes into supper, Sherlock gets up and declares that he has better things to do than sit around with a bunch of blithering idiots and left. Pretending that my feelings weren't hurt, I continued on with supper.

Sherlock's eyes remain on the ceiling. "Because I hate everyone. And being surrounded by idiots will lower my I.Q." He said.

"Oh..." Was all I could mutter out, my eyes pricked with unwanted tears. I knew I wasn't as smart as Sherlock, but I didn't think I was that stupid either.

Sherlock sat up and looked at me, eyes wide. "No. No, no, no, that isn't what I-, john I didn't mean-"

"It's fine Sherlock." I said, cutting him off and walking out and walking out. As soon as the door clicked I broke into a sprint. Down the winding corridor, skipping steps as I rushed down to the front door. Busting out of the main entrance, I kept up my pace as I made my way to the thick forest surrounding campus. "You should've known you were to stupid for him!" my head screamed.

I didn't stop running until I was deep into the trees. 'I still needed more space!' I couldn't get far enough away. Taking in a huge gulp of air I began to climb the old oak that I had stopped by.

Once I was satisfied with the distance between me and the ground, I let it all out. I sobbed quietly, pulling my knees to my chest. I knew that this was completely irrational and a bit stupid, but a childhood filled with beatings and insults led to being a bit sensitive to abuse. "Father always said I was a stupid, worthless cunt." I sobbed. Why was this resurfacing? Sherlock hadn't even meant to insult me. Maybe because I never cried. Not even as a young boy. This was the first time I had cried since diapers. And all it did was make me hurt even worse.

Sherlock's POV

Unknown to John, I had followed him here, and now sat at the base of the tree. Hearing him sob completely wrecked me. John Watson was the only person I didn't think was a complete idiot. John Watson was smart, and brave, and kind, and beautiful. And I had fucked up. Royally. 'Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side, Sherlock.' Mycrofts voice rang through my head. 'Then I want to be on the losing side. If it means I can have John Watson.' I fought back. God.. I even had to fight with Mycroft in my head. Pathetic.

John's sobbing had quieted down, so I figured it might be safe to make my presence known. Standing up from the base of the tree, I looked up to johns dark figure. It had gotten dark over an hour ago and the moon was full.

"John." I whispered. John jumped from the sound of my deep baritone voice piercing the silence. Hastily wiping his eyes, John replied in a hoarse voice,

"I'm sorry, Sherlock. Go on and head back to the room, I'll be up in a bit."

Oh, my John. Feeling guilty at the thought of leaving me alone for so long. Instead of leaving, I scaled the tree and settled on the branch next to him. He tried to wipe the tears streaming down his face. Why did I have to be such a machine..

Cupping johns face, I turned him so he had to look at me. "John." I said again. "I never meant to make you feel stupid. Because to me, you aren't. You are the only other person I find intelligent, and for you to think otherwise is my fault." I said. The moon shone right on his face. His eyes, made a deep, deep blue from crying, revealed to me the broken boy inside. And right then, I swore that even if it took my last breath, I would fix him.

"Your father was wrong, John. Because you mean everything to me." I told him, all my walls tumbling down. Leaning in to John,I looked deep into those blue eyes. John ran his ringers through my curls as he closed the space between our lips. Raw emotion ran through us as the kiss sped up. Deepening the kiss, my tongue explored every inch of johns mouth as we moved in synchronized rhythm. An arousing moan rumbled through johns body.

"I need you, Sherlock." John said breathlessly between snogs.

" I'm right here, John." I reply before kissing him again.

John pulled back. "No, Sherlock. I NEED you." He said. Looking into his eyes, I no longer saw the sadness that was there a moment ago. Lust had set his blue eyes ablaze,making them an icy blue. Oh god the way he looked at me..

We need to get to our dorm. Now.