Part : 2 HIS PAIN

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(Part: 1) Lost Love {Sidnaaz}

Manik was lying on the floor in a dark room. Like usual days, he was lost in the memories of Nandita, his childhood love, who got separated from her because of his mistake. He was leaving in guilt as he used to blame himself for everything. His heart used to cry thinking about her condition, his heart used to cry thinking about their beautiful memories when they were together. He missed her smile, he missed her cute talks, he missed everything about her. It was been 16 years passed but then even he remembered each and every moment which he had spent with her. He was dying in the pool of guilt for leaving her alone that day. The pain, he was going through, no one could understand.

"Manu, I am waiting for you, why are you not coming, Manu.. ahaha.." the painful voice of her screams started echoing in his ear and started breaking his already broken heart more. Tears were constantly falling down from his eyes. His heart was aching badly. He was dying a bit by bit every day. He was like moving dead soul. But there was one thing which used to give him little peace from his pain that was his singing. Singing used to take him in another world where he was with Nandita. Singing used to give him the strength to find her but sometimes singing also became very hurtful for him.

(Ye dil tanha kyun rahe
Kyun hum tukdon mein jiye
Ye dil tanha kyun rahe
Kyun hum tukdon mein jiyein
Kyun rooh meri ye sahe
Main adhoora jee raha hoon
Hardum ye keh raha hoon
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai)

He started singing in a painful tone, staring the ceiling of the darkroom. The words which he was singing, it was clearly showing how badly he needed her in his life. How lonely he used to feel without her, his soul was suffering without her, he was nothing without her, he just needed her in his life and nothing else, he was completely incomplete without her. His painful voice was clearly showing that he was in extreme pain which couldn't be described in words.

(Tere jism ki wo khushbuyein
Ab bhi in saanson mein zinda hai
Mujhe ho rahi in se ghutan
Mere gale ka ye phanda hai
teri choodiyon ki wo khanak
Yaadon ke kamre mein goonje hai
Sun kar ise aata hai yaad
Haathon mein mere zanjeerein hain
Tu hi aa ke in ko nikaal zaraa
Kar mujhe yahaan se rihaa)

He was singing putting his heart in the song and tears were constantly falling down from his eyes. Memories of Nandita were coming in front of his eyes like a movie playing on the screen. He was saying that fragrance of her body is still alive in his breaths which are now suffocating him. The sounds of her bangles echoes in the room of memories, listening to this he remembers that there are chains around his hands which can be removed by her only.

(main adhoora jee raha hoon
Ye sadaayein de rahaa hoon
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai)

"Nandu.. , please tell me, where are you, I can't live without you Nandu" he started screaming after getting up and started finding her in the room. "Aahaa..." he screamed loudly opening his arms, tried to take out his pain but nothing happened. Nothing was helping him to come out of his pain and guilt. He started crying holding his head after collapsing down on the floor. His condition was clearly showing that the pain, he was going through, it was unbearable.

Then he took out the knife from the pocket of his jacket and stared at the knife having pain in his eyes. He pulled the sleeves of his jacket and shirt upwards and started cutting his arms with the knife, again and again, his hand was already covered with bandages and old marks which was clearly showing that it wasn't the first time, he was doing this with himself. He used to do this because by giving himself physical pain he wanted to forget the pain which was breaking his heart. But it was also not helping, he didn't feel any other pain except the pain of living without the love of his life. The blood started dropping down from his hands but he was feeling no pain.

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