QUOTE COMPENDIUM ⊳ connor x reader

Ch. VII

"Slow down." (Y/n) spoke softly, brushing the back of her hand over his knuckles. "And pull over."

She pointed to an empty parking lot on the side of the road. Connor, in spite of his deviancy, still had been designed to take orders from humans. He supposed that was why (y/n)'s approach worked.

Connor gradually lifted his foot off the gas pedal until the car slowed down enough for him to maneuver it into the parking lot. He brought it to a halt, then let himself fall backwards into his seat.

"I apologize." He whispered, taking his hands both off the staring wheel and out of (y/n)'s gentle hold.

"It's okay. I'm the one who-" She began

"No, I...it had nothing to do with you." The Android explained. "I just— I remembered my old partner again."

"Hank, was it?" She asked. "You wanna talk about him?"

"No, I...you probably don't have the time or disposition to do so. And I'd hate to ruin the mo-"

"Connor, if there is one thing I have plenty of right now, it's time." She assured him, slipping her feet out of her shoes and shifting to sit on the car seat cross-legged. "I'm here to listen."

For a second, he almost wanted to smile. In utter bliss and happiness, because finally, finally someone was there for him. Even if it was just for a short amount of time, it was bliss.

"He died of a heart attack. In his sleep." The Android explained, his voice faltering and gaze dropping to stare at his hands. "And I...I didn't do anything. I found him in the morning, and I...I couldn't..."

He gritted his teeth, jaw clenching, ashamed of showing emotions. He was a machine, he wasn't designed to handle feelings. He wasn't designed to mourn, or feel sad—otherwise he should've been able to control himself, right?

But then again, what had he been designed to do? Hunt deviants? Well, technically yes. But ironically enough, he had become one. He really had no purpose after all, did he? He was useless. A failure.

Oh god, and then there was (y/n). She was so perfect and kind and understanding and wonderful, and she was offering to listen to him, and he didn't even know where to start. What to tell her. There was so much going through his mind, it almost felt like a string that had thousands of knots in it, to the extent where one couldn't even tell where it started and ended.

"Breathe, there's no rush." (Y/n) instructed, and Connor was more than thankful that she had interrupted his thoughts. "We can take a walk around the parking lot if you want to. Or just stay, either is fine."

A walk did sound good. Something to take his mind off of the fact that his brain was going haywire.

"Let's go." Connor nodded and unlocked the car doors, eagerly stepping outside.

By the time he had exited, so had (y/n), walking over to him before he could even process it.

"Your hands are shaking." She remarked.

"I'm sorry." Connor mumbled and shoved them into his pockets.

"No, no, don't be. There's nothing to be sorry for. Here, gimme your hands." She extended her own, palms turned upwards, waiting for his own.

Reluctantly, Connor placed his hands in hers, which didn't exactly work since his were a tad bigger, but he didn't mind, since (y/n) gripped them softly and started stroking over his knuckles with her thumb.

"Now sync your breaths with mine." She started inhaling and exhaling more audibly, as if to help him hear her. Not like Connor really needed that—he could clearly track the rhythm of any human breathing without too much of a hassle. Her effort was appreciated nonetheless, causing warmth to spark inside the Android's chest. His mind went quiet for a few seconds, and it was bliss.

"There you go." (Y/n) cooed after a few seconds. She smiled at him warmly. "You got it all sorted out? I can wait of you haven't, take your time."

"I do." Connor spoke, trying to believe his own words.

"Okay. You can tell me if you want to." (Y/n) assured him.

Connor went silent, searching his mind for the right words. And hoping that he wouldn't be judged, that (y/n) really would provide the emotional comfort he was desperate after.

"I...when Hank died, I couldn't- I couldn't accept the fact that he was gone, forever. I didn't want to. So I kept his corpse where I had found it. In his bed. And for two days, I continued making him food, and going into sleep mode every night, hoping he would wake up when I did. I was so...scared of being alone."

"It's okay to be scared. It's not your fault."

Connor knew she meant well, but he already knew that it was highly unlikely for her to stay interested in helping him. (Y/n) had things to do and also had a life worth living, and he was certain she'd stop caring at one point. That was, if this whole thing wouldn't end along with their roadtrip, of course.

"Do you want a hug?" She positioned herself in front of him and smiled empathetically.

And Connor really did want to be egoistic. To feel that warmth again, after three long years. So he gave in.

"Please." He whispered, and (y/n) complied immediately, wrapping her hands around his neck.

He had to lower himself to fit in her arms, but he didn't mind. Connor was just happy to feel a human's embrace again, and to bask in the sentiment of someone caring about him. Even if it would only last for a few seconds. Even if it would hurt after she left. He just couldn't refuse physical contact, in spite of everything he was aware of. In spite of the clear logic that spoke against what he was doing.

Her palms running up and down his back, and the way she smelled of faded perfume, and how she was so soft and inviting—Connor could only describe it as bliss.

"It's all gonna be okay." (Y/n) whispered, and for a second, Connor really did believe her.