broken maknae,, j.jk x bts

4

J.JK

I cleaned my arm walked to my bed and just lade there. I didn't fall asleep. I could feel my self-slipping from real life and all I could hear were the voices in my head. 

Self Harm was telling me I didn't cut enough,

Ana was saying my weight was disgusting,

Depression was telling me no one cares about me,

Suicidal was telling me to end it all next time I cut.

The thing I hate about it now was self-harm sounds like Taehyung. Depression sounds like Yoongi Hyung. Ana sounds like Jimin. Self-hate sounds like Namjoon. Suicidal sounds like Jin. 

The whole family's back. 

The voices They kept yelling at me they got louder and louder till they went silent. I looked around my room and decided to leave it because I might go crazy sitting in my room with only the voices. 

I walked by Jin Hyung who was in the kitchen and he asked,"Have you eaten anything today."Damn it.

"No," I said with a blank face. He turned around and got an apple and made me eat it. Once I had finished it I walked to my room into the bathroom and pushed my fingers into my mouth and pucked up everything in my stomach. 

I walked out after brushing my teeth and putting on something for pajamas. 

Once again the voices yelled at me before I fell asleep.

{flashback/dream}

I walked into the house quietly but my dad stood in front of me and dragged me to the basement. He Chained me to the hanging handcuffs and I stood on a pile of books.

He took out a whip and hid me repeatedly on the back and on the back of my legs. He stopped took the biggest book out from under me and I fell so I was on my tippy toes. He whipped me stomach and punched me as if I were a punching bag.

He pulled another book from under my feet and I was hanging by my arms. He kicked me and unlocked one of the handcuffs. One foot was on the ground now. He punched me and kicked me until I started to cough. 

He uncuffed the other hand and I fell to the floor. He pulled me by my hair up the stairs. He smiled as my screams got louder and louder. 

He drags me to my room and beat me till I was just a lump on the floor. He walked out and threw my backpack at me and left the house.

I lade on the floor for I don't even know how long. My phone started to ring and I answered right away. I ended up being BigHit saying they found the right group for me. BTS. They were about to debut and since I was one of the hardest working trainees at BigHit I could join the group right away.

I've always been able to pick up dances easily, but if something happens to make me worried or stressed I have a hard time. 

End Of {flashback /dream}

I woke up in a cold sweat so I jumped in the shower and cut my thighs while washing my body.

I cleaned the cuts and got out of the shower. I put on black jeans and a long sleeve striped shirt.

I walked downstairs and it was 7 am. We have practice at 9 am. Jin Hyung walked down the stairs into the kitchen and didn't even look at me. Jimin, J-Hope, Namjoon, and Yoongi Hyung came downstairs and Yoongi walked over to me and told me to get up and sit somewhere else.

I got up quickly and moved to the floor. I took out my earbuds and listened to music. I listened to the Blue Neighborhood trilogy and other music by Troye Sivan. 

I was time to go and today we have a 10 hour day at the company. Yeah. I got into the back of the van and looked out of the window listening to everyone else's conversations. I sat in the back with Jimin and J-Hope. 

They were whispering things to each other the entire ride. We got there and warmed up for dance practice. We had dance practice for 4 hours a break after 2 hours and then went and record some new songs for 2 hours and had a fan meet for 2 hours. 

One boy came up to me and gave me a stuffed pink bunny and 2 necklaces one that said Golden Maknae and the other said Jungkook.  

He had a poster of me to sign and I signed it and wrote I love you on it. I looked at his hair and It was a lime green color and when I looked at his face I knew who he was. He's ...