Painful love[bl]

Chapter 4

"I miss him, but I would not tell him. I will not say anything, and I will continue to take on myself for one day to succeed in erasing him completely from my world, even if it's not what I want, even if it hurts me. I think there is nothing worse than feeling the lack of someone who does not miss you."

-Yu Yan

"Mama, look look!" Zhi Ruo said as he held beautiful roses from different colours towards his mother to see.
Yu Yan smiled before lifting his son to set him on his lap " they're really beautiful, are they for me?" Yu Yan raised a slender eyebrow as he asked. "Yes!" Zhi Ruo nodded enthusiastically.
Yu Yan took the roses, then mocked a sigh, "my son is turning into a man way too fast, isn't he Minah?"
Minah couldn't help but chuckle " absolutely, master!"
A blush speared across Zhi Ruo's face " M-mama! Stop teasing!"
Yu Yan laughed cheerfully " I will I will, mama is sorry, okay?" He said as he gave the troubled boy a peck on the cheek.
Zhi Ruo smiled, then he also pecked his mama on the cheek. Just as he prepared to get off his mother's lap and continue playing, Minah came back with their lunch.
"Thank you, Minah" Yu Yan smiled, then put his son on the chair next to him.
By now, Minah was already used to his majesty being so polite. It worried her, but at the same she couldn't thank the heavens enough for letting her serve such an amazing master. "No need to thank me master, it's only natural since it's my work"
Yu Yan smiled then went back to eating.
Two months passed since the day he came back. He wanted to spend more time with his son, so he decided to become his new teacher.
Yu Yan was extremely smart, he ranked first on the imperial exam, and was awarded the golden champion medal.
He was excellent at every subject, from economics, medical studies and even war strategies.
Yu Yan's father was the prime minister, so if it wasn't for him becoming the empress of the nation, he would have absolutely succeeded him. He was more than qualified.
So it's only natural that No one would found it weird if he suddenly decided to become the tutor of his own son
Now that I think about it, it seems like all of my intelligence didn't exist in my past life. Just how could I have been so stupid.
Yu Yan really didn't know wither to laugh or cry.
Anyway, back to his son, Zhi Ruo was also very smart, he remembered things almost immediately, and understood it very easily.
It seems like he has taken after him and me.
After today's lesson was finished, Yu Yan decided to bring Zhi Ruo to the imperial garden to play a bit, and it looks like it really was a great idea. He seemed very happy about it.
Zhi Ruo was a prince, he had very few friends, and it was impossible for him to go play outside like normal children would.
So Yu Yan really wanted to do something to make feel like a normal child his age and let him enjoy himself ( well, normal if you ignored the numerous guards that is)

After they finished eating and Minah cleaned the table, Zhi Ruo went back to playing while Yu Yan watched over him with a book in his hands.
" his imperial highness seems to be really enjoying himself." Minah said as she gazed at Zhi Ruo alongside her master.
She seemed to be thinking deeply about something, when suddenly she opened, " I really wonder what it will feel like if I ever become a parent?"
Yu Yan was slightly surprised, he didn't expect her to ask such a question, but then, his eyes filled with warmth as he tried his best to explain "what a parent is...Being a parent is being there through the tantrums, the milestones and the tears. Being a parent means that you love that little person which you created more than you could ever love yourself, or anybody else! You'd readily lose sleep to comfort them from their nightmares. You would risk your own life for that small person, you'd surely die to save them if you needed to, Being a parent is never a burden, it's loving somebody else wholeheartedly and unconditionally, for eternity! Being a parent to your child is not a job it's a priviledge, cherish it!" The last sentence was more to himself than to her.
Minah was amazed, it was abvious just how much his majesty loved the little prince.
She looked at those crystal clear blue eyes, that were filled with love, warmth and nostalgia. Such stunning and beautiful eyes.
" you really do love him, master." Minah opened with a wide smile on her face. If she ever decided to have children, then she would absolutely want to become a mom as great as his majesty.
Yu Yan gave a 'what do you mean by that' face, before he said in a matter of fact tone "of course I do, he's my son, my little miracle."
Minah suddenly felt that not only was the little prince so lucky to have such a fabulous mama, but also his imperial majesty.
After all, who would not love such a beautiful, alluring and incredibly smart empress.
(Author: well,him.
Minah: what? What do you mean by that?
Author: never mind, go back to reading your text
Minah:*nodding doubtfully*)

               Yu Yan ignored Minah that was rambling about how great of a parent he was, before he chuckled at Zhi Ruo that was trying his best to catch a little butterfly.
        The scene was very warm and lively, two big figures, one sitting and one standing, both gazing tenderly at the smaller one.
The peace and quite was enough to warm the heart, but soon it was interrupted by a an extremely cold and husky voice,a voice so powerful and dominating, that once you heard it, you wouldn't get enough of it.
But if you listened closely, you'll realise that it held a hint of mockery.
"You're acting hit a new level this time"
Yu Yan felt as if his whole world stopped, different kind of emotions submerged him.
Probably because of how shocked he was, Yu Yan didn't notice that his hands were trembling violently.
But this did not mean that he didn't notice.
A frown immediately formed in his face.