Painful love[bl]

Chapter 6

"Even if you pretend you do not care, I know that deep down you're devastated, you want to erase his smile when you see him with another person that is not you, you want to talk to all the guys of the world just to try to make him angry, and when you're alone you wonder if it  touched him.You find yourself ridiculous because you want revenge, you want to get revenge because he's happy without you. What makes you mad to is not knowing if he thinks of you before falling asleep or if he falls asleep on the words of another person, it makes you sick. laugh when he's near you to show him that he did not manage to destroy you, but yes, he did, you're completely broken."

  -unknown.

"Minah, could you please bring Zhi Ruo with you to play for a little bit." Yu Yan opened.
If In the worst case scenario things didn't go well between them, at least his son would not witness it.
After Minah left with Zhi Ruo, Yu Yan settled down in the table along with QingYu.
He knew that this man would never take the invitation to visit him unless it was something very important.
Even until now, his hands couldn't stop from shaking.
Seeing the man, the person that is the cause of all his misery, sadness and anger, was horrible.
He hated it.
He hated how vulnerable this man made him feel.
As if the slightest word could completely shatter him to a million of pieces.
No matter how hard he tried with all his being to denied it, he still felt it.
The same emotions he felt every time he saw this man.
Even after everything.
Oh how he hated himself right now.
Please, make it stop!
Someone, anyone! Just make it stop.
His inner turmoil was taking over him, he tried to cover it, but some of his extreme sorrow and sadness could still be seen clearly in his eyes.

QingYu looked at him deeply for a moment before explaining, " I came to inform you that mother is coming to visit us in a few days", Yu Yan was surprised for a second, before remembering that a similar event actually occurred in his last life.
The difference is that QingYu didn't have to tell him, since he had people all over the palace, and this, QingYu already knew it, so he didn't find the need to come and inform him.
"The empress dowager ?" QingYu nodded then continued, " I guess you already know why I personally come to tell you about this"
Hearing this, Yu Yan couldn't help but clench his fist.
Of course he knew.
After all, this is one of the only reasons why this man still hasn't driven him out.
The empress dowager didn't know about their fucked up relationship.
QingYu's mother was the one who introduced Yu Yan to him, in other words she was the main reason why QingYu and Yu Yan got married.
The empress dowager was a close friend of his mother, so she knew Yu Yan since he was a small child.
For her, no one could be more suitable to marry her son than him.
In the whole imperial palace, she was probably the only person who truthfully accepted him.
In his last life, she was the only person who no matter what still supported him, even when his parents lost all hope in him, she was still there.
At that time, he didn't know how to cherish her love to him, so when he finally came to the realization that she was the only one who accepted him for who he really was, it was already too late.
Too late to regret.
The sudden surge of memories hit Yu Yan really hard.
Yu Yan griped his arm with all his force, trying to stop it from shaking.
QingYu's eyes flashed with something unknown for a second before it quickly disappeared completely.
He frowned as he asked "are you okay?"He held his arm toward Yu Yan, wanting to know if he was okay.
But he didn't expect, not in a thousand years, for his reaction to be like that.
"No!"
"Do not touch me!". His voice was trembling so hard, hearing it would break your heart.
QingYu was astonished, his hand stopped near him, frozen.
He didn't know why, but hearing such firm rejection coming from this man, something inside of him cracked.
He managed to ignore what was going inside of him, as he retracted his hand back.
" I, I mean I'm okay, so no need to worry"
When he noticed QingYu's hand approaching him, Yu Yan completely lost his cool.
Somehow he knew, he knew that if he ever was to touch him, he wouldn't be able to keep up anymore.
Everything that he kept sealed in his heart, would completely break down.
And that's the last thing he wanted right now.
"No, you don't have to apologise, it was my fault for coming close to you" QingYu was still confused about what just happened, he wanted ask so many questions, but at the end, he settled on one.
"Just, what are you planning exactly?"
"I don't care if you use other people, but don't you dare try to hurt my son." At that, he sent a deadly glare to him.
QingYu saw it, he saw just how badly those words broke the enchanting man in front of him.