A Twisted Tale

The Guilt that Eats You Alive

Meera's POV

I slammed the door shut behind me. My heart was thudding loudly and I was sweating profusely. I slid along the door and stayed put for a long time. Tears kept streaming down my eyes. I touched my now swollen lips and cringed at the memory. I was horrified knowing what I was about to do tonight.

I started something great with Val and I came very close to ruining it completely. All my life, I've looked at people cheating on their partners with disdain. To find myself in the same position and not take the blame would be hypocritical. I knew I wasn't entirely to blame. My thoughts immediately went to what Mark said. "I love you damnit." Those words kept playing in my head over and over again. If someone would have told me that I would have a hot and steamy make out session with Mark one day, I would have laughed until I died. But today was different.

Mark has never made a move until now. Not once has he given me a sign that he was interested in being more than a friend. Or maybe he did. Was I the stupid one? Was I so oblivious to his affections that I brushed it aside as pure friendship? Why didn't I see this when we used to fall asleep together? Maybe he did try to tell me something but I never paid attention. All these thoughts were eating away at me. I wanted to silence my mind and my heart, but I couldn't. His touch and kiss were imprinted in my memory. I slowly rose up from my position and walked into the bathroom.

Staring back at me was a woman with destroyed makeup, wild hair and swollen lips. My eyes were drawn to the love bites along my neck running right up to the valley of my breasts. The memory made me warm up and a small part of me was disappointed for not being able to finish what we both had started. I robotically combed through my hair and washed my face. I went straight into my room and sat down on the bed. Internally I was having a battle deciding whether to sleep or call up Val this late at night and tell him what happened. Exhaustion won the fight and I tried to get some sleep. Unfortunately, given my current state of mind, sleep was an unwelcome guest. My only solace was in having Gundu lick my face and wag his tail at me. His happiness was infectious and had me pulling up a small smile. That night I fell into a fitful sleep dreaming about Mark.

I woke up to the blaring alarm. Once I turned it off and looked at my phone I saw that I had a missed call from Val last night. Last night. That one thought brought back a rush of memories I was trying to suppress. I was determined to tell Val about all of it. I didn't enter this relationship intending to keep things from Val. I steeled myself and dialled his number. "Hey, love. I was sitting here hoping to hear your voice before I start the meeting. I miss you." I gulped the lump in my throat and said "Hey Val. I'm not fine. I have to talk to you and it's a little urgent. I know you have a meeting right now. You finish it first and then we'll talk." He stayed silent for a minute and then said "Give me time till evening. I'll get back home and we'll talk." I said okay and hung up the phone.

By the time I freshened up, there was a knock on the door. I was a little apprehensive at first thinking it was Mark trying to reach out to me. I asked who it was over the intercom only to have Claire's voice buzz through. I was slightly disappointed but I didn't let it show. Claire was oblivious to the events of last night so she got to talking about the big project she was about to take up. When she saw that I wasn't paying attention, she asked me about it. I told her everything about last night minus the intimate details. I wasn't ready to get there just yet. Not before telling Val at least.

After I finished explaining everything, I looked at her. She didn't seem to react to anything at first but I could see the irritation growing on her face. "What? You don't seem shocked that your brother kissed me. Am I missing something here?" I asked annoyed. She shook her head and said "This was long coming. I've told Mark umpteen times to share his feelings with you. And you claim to be his best friend? How come you have never seen the love in his eyes?" I was still reeling over the fact that she knew about it. I stood up abruptly and yelled "You knew? You bloody knew and didn't tell me! Why?" She looked at me sardonically and said "You're the one who talks about giving people their space and giving them time to share their feelings. And it was Mark's place to tell you how he felt. Not mine." I didn't know what else to say. I was angry. I was angry with myself for not seeing things clearly. I was angry that Claire knew about it before I did. I was angry that Mark went ahead and kissed me. But what left me fuming was the hot make out seesion which was on a never ending loop in my head.

Claire didn't bother sharing her insights into my current situation or on how to resolve the mess. She left me to my own thoughts and left as soon as she received a work call. I didn't know how or when I fell asleep but I was woken up by a soft nudge on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and found Val looking at me with a soft smile playing on his lips. "Hey baby." He said as he pulled me in for a hug and kissed me on my forehead. All the while, I was guilt ridden and wanted to erase the memory of Mark's lips on mine. I abruptly pulled Val for a kiss and he complied. He kissed me with passion while I kissed him with what was a futile attempt at erasing a memory. When I couldn't take the guilt any longer, I said "I'll make us some tea. I need to tell you something."