long roads > jax teller

9: I Can't Do This

"Have you sorted it?" I whispered to Jax. Even though now really wasn't a good time, I had to know.

"Yes, it's gone. The ATF think he's gone back to Chicago."

"Thank you so much Jax." I gave him a quick friendly hug - I really couldn't be dealing with anything more right now. The bad memories of Morgan still haunt me. Jax dealt with his body, I don't know what he did with it and I really don't want to find out.

"Will you come with us to meet the Niners? We're selling them some more guns and we just need an extra pair of hands."

"Course," I grinned beginning to walk to my bike. The weather was baking hot, so instead of my usual black beanie I had a 'reaper crew' baseball cap on like Jax's. Like always, I wore jeans; todays ones being ripped. Jax's t shirt that I wore that first night at his house was the one I was currently wearing. It wasn't actually that big once I'd gotten used to it.

Looking up, I noticed Half Sack, Juice, and Chibs climbing onto their bikes. I gathered they were accompanying us as I saw Jax swing his leg onto his bike. Doing the same, I revved up the engine. Jax drove out, followed by me, then Chibs, Juice and Half Sack.

We drove this way down the deserted roads that were more out of town. Apart from the roar of the Harley engines, it was actually peaceful. Until the noise of some American muscle car came into earshot. I was admiring the car until the idiot cut us off.

"Mother fucker!" I heard Chibs from behind me as we all sped up to try catch the guy.

In the end we gave up; this guy clearly wasn't going to give up. He was too cocky.

---

After we had given the Niners guns and they had given us money, I strangely had a craving for coffee.

"Can we get some coffee?" I asked making the three boys chuckle.

"How about when we get back, I'll take you to that coffee shop you love." Jax grinned.

"Yay!" I squealed, wrapping my arms around him.

"Hey Chibs, I dont think we're invited to this one!" Juice nudged Chibs and the pair burst into laughter.

"Oh shut up!" I giggled playfully. "Come on let's head back, there's a coffee with my name on it."

I loved the feeling you get when you ride a motorbike. The wind in your hair, no sounds apart from the engine, just generally not a care in the world. Well that's unless your in some massive car chase or something. I had that care-free feeling until I saw that same red car parked in the gas station that we were about to pass. "That guy that cut us off this morning!" I thought out loud. "Hey! HEY!" I yelled over the bikes, making the guys look. I made a signal with my arm which made them follow me into the gas station.

"Pember what is it?" Chibs asked as we climbed off our bikes. I nodded my head over to the car, rolling my tongue around in my mouth. Sweet revenge.

The door swung shut behind us as we scanned the small shop looking for the guy. As I looked down the third aisle, I spotted him looking at something on a shelf. "Hey!" I exclaimed, making him spin to look at me, a smirk appearing on his smug face.

"Hey, you're that hot biker girl from earlier." He grinned, nodding his head.

"Eugh," I protested as I walked towards him. Once I was infront of him, I swung my fist, punching him straight in the face. The force was strong, making him stumble back.

"What the fuck?!" He yelled, making Chibs, Jax and Juice run down our aisle. Punching him again, this time I made him fall to the floor, blood beginning to run from his nose.

"Don't fucking cut us off again, douchebag." I sneered, turning around and starting to walk away, when I was shoved forcefully. Spinning around, I saw that he had got up, and clearly wanted to finish this fight.

"Hey don't you fucking touch her!" Jax screamed, hitting him so he stumbled backwards yet again. He lunged forward, trying to attack Jax, however Chibs tackled him to the floor, while Juice repeatedly kicked him. Before I could register what was happening, the guy behind the till was running at the man sprawled on this floor with a fire axe in his hands. In one quick hit, the axe was in the back of his head, and he lay lifeless on the floor. I jumped back stunned, my mouth forming an O shape.

"Oh shit..." Juice whispered, clearly shocked. Jax walked away leaving us all equally stunned over the events which had just gotten way out of hand.

"Um, my sweet revenge did not involve death," I said looking at the owner.

"Let's get the hell outta here." I turned around and saw that Jax had gone to get the CCTV footage. I followed him out, throwing my helmet on. "Still want that coffee?" Jax smiled. I nodded, swinging my leg over and starting up the bike.

---

"So there's some party at the clubhouse tomorrow night."

"What's it for?"

"No idea. But everyone's coming, are you?"

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the coffee by the way." I said as I took another sip, finishing the coffee. "I've gotta get back, I promised Clay I'd help him and Tig with some shit. See you tonight?" Jax said standing up.

"Yeah," I gave him a soft smile as he squeezed my hand. That squeeze made me think of Morgan. Then I knew that was going to haunt me for a while. I thought of this thing that was between Jax and I. It scared me. Now that Morgan had come back, too many horrible memories were lingering. I can't do it, not anymore. I can't be in a relationship right now. And I know I won't make Jax happy to be with me when I'm not comfortable anymore. Hopefully this feeling will leave soon.

---

"Look at all of your Daddy's dirty washing!" I laughed to Abel as I held him on one arm and a tub of dirty washing in the other. Walking into his bedroom, I settled Abel down in bed the went to sort out this washing.

The front door slammed shut and I began to feel panicked about what would happen with Jax.

"Hey." His raspy voice spoke as he threw his keys on the counter.

"How's Abel?"

"I just put him to bed. It's past 10 so he's probably sound asleep by now." I smiled.

"Hey you don't have to do all that!" Jax exclaimed, walking over and taking the pile of clothes from my hands.

"You're letting me live here, it's the least I could do." Jax just shrugged it off, gesturing to the bedroom.

"You haven't slept since last night." He pointed out.

"Well I could I? With everything that happened with... Morgan." I drifted off for a moment, hesitating at the mention of his name. Jax raised his eyebrow and smiled slightly.

"Jayda, go sleep." Grinning at him, I left the room and made my way to the bedroom. I sighed, sitting on the bed and removing my trousers, deciding to once again sleep in a t shirt. Even though I was scared of being anything more than friends with Jax right now, I wanted his comfort so much. That's why I was still sleeping in his bed - I was also scared of being alone. It didn't make sense; any of it. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be close...

I was pulled from my thoughts as Jax entered the bedroom. As he too removed his clothing, I layed back on the bed, craving sleep. Jax crawled in next to me, instantly cuddling me, laying kisses down my back. I felt awful as I resisted.

"What's wrong?"

I sat up, running my fingers through my hair. "Jax, I can't do this." I sighed.

"What...?"

"I-I'm scared. I know this is what I want, but I just can't do it. I need some time. To get over this Morgan stuff." Jax said nothing, except climbed out of bed.

This chapter is pretty long, sorry! Also remember that I do change some of the storylines around; different order they happened, different ways that they happen.
But thanks everyone! :)