Stephanie & Xander

Chapter 16

When I get home, I threw the $5 to the desk and pulls up a thick bill from my side pocket. I carefully count it and it amounts to about $120. We can live with this for a while. I'm so proud of myself.

This comes from the baldy gay. He wasn't very careful with me and he even carries this much amount while walking outside. I don't know if that's idiocy, being carefree because he trusts everybody or if it's arrogance because he can earn twice this much in a single day. I don't care. Since I begin this journey, I started to care less and less about other people. We also have to look out for our own asses.

I can't wait to tell Xander about my feat. That shithead probably thinks I'm not the kind of guy who can pickpocket from others. Maybe if she hears about this, she'll respect me a little bit more. At the same time, maybe this will help Baldy head realize that not all that looks harmless are actually harmless. He should take me for an example.

I have so much to say but Xander wouldn't be coming home tonight. Sighs.

Ma'am Thuy asked me if I was lonely by myself and has even gave me a bowl of Zhajiangmian noodles. I don't know where she gets the idea that I won't have a food when I'm alone while I was the one to always cook.

Xander can't do anything woman-like at all. She doesn't do laundry, or cleaning or cooking. All she can clean is her bike and she's a meticulous one at that. I don't know how someone could actually be that hopeless in simple household chores or lipstick. It wasn't even something that needs teaching. It was something you can do by figuring out how it should be done. It's like walking. Like... oh I see! So, right food forward, shift weight, then left foot forward. Oh my god, I'm walking.

Ma'am Thuy come up and gave me a cup of Guilinggao next, touching my face and reassures me, "She'll come home soon okay. Don't be lonely. You can come down if you're lonely."

"I'm fine, ma'am Thuy."

"Just call me, Mama, you bastard." She demands, and the way she says 'mama' sounds like 'mahm-mah' and her voice is warm and sweet. I guess this is the kind of voice, you'll only hear on women. It's calming and homely. It's the kind of voice Xander will never have. She's a total failure of a woman.

"Good night, Mama." I mumble, snorting. I'm not used to this. I feel a little ashamed calling someone mama. I mean, I don't' even do that to my own mother, "Hey..." she turns, "Can I hug you?"

And, she hugs me and I hug her back.

I miss my mom. I wonder where mom is. I'm not sure whether she still remembers me but I wish her good little things in the world. My mom's affection faded before I was seven but I'm still a child. Even when she doesn't hold my hand in the park or she stops coming to school or even when she gave me money when I ask her to accompany me in my entrance exam, she's still my mom. She thought I was looking for a ride and the money is for taxi. I can do that but I never wanted a ride. I wanted her time. I wanted this hug.

"I remember my mom." I say as I sniffle. I can't believe I'm feeling like crying, missing the affectionate mom I lost nine years ago. I guess mom sees dad in me. And, she's grown to hate dad. I don't blame mom and I stopped blaming dad too. I just don't know who to blame anymore. And, maybe I don't need to blame anybody. It'll never help.

She touches my face gently. Her hand is big, warm and callused, "Xander will come back soon, alright? If you reach your goals, you can see your mom. I bet your mom is prettier and sexier than me!" She laughs. I did too.

But I don't need a pretty and sexy mom. I just need a mom who stays.

She went back downstairs. I'm glad enough she's got time for me. I shouldn't even be worried about Xander. She'll come back. She isn't like mom or Emily and not like Dad who sold me out. She's out there earning money. I'll stay here and wait. This is the best I can do.