LGBT+ Journal/Diary

The Past Haunts Me

Hey everyone. I don't really talk about my past on this book, but there was an incident that occurred that has made me who I am today.

TW: Pedophilia, almost rape

Okay. This happened way back when I was hitting puberty. I was starting to get dysphoria, so I blocked a lot of things out.

My father had this friend. His name was Brad. He was in his 60s and was of a bigger build. He hung out with my dad all the time. And when I hit puberty, he took notice of me.

He would say comments like "I love younger women." "You're going to make a wonderful wife." "Want to get married?" and he would occasionally mention the development of my hips and fat sacs.

It was in 7th grade, when he started to touch me. He would touch my shoulders, head, thighs, and occasionally slide his hands to my chest or butt. My father would be there too. But he never stopped Brad.

I was starting to get annoyed as Brad would look me up and down. He would wink at me. I would glare and stay away from him. My father would say "Be nice. He's our guest." or when I confronted him about it. My father said "He's just joking around."

It was around 8th grade or freshman year when I had had enough. I told my mom and she immediately lashed out at my father. And my father told Brad. Brad wasn't happy.

I was at my fathers house when I heard the door open. Expecting to see my father, I went downstairs. Right when I got on the last bottom step, I saw Brad. I raced upstairs and went into my room. I shut my door quietly and made sure to not say a word.

Luckily my father came. He seemed to always reach us before Brad would do anything more.

Now, Brad is in jail. He scammed my father. He wasn't tried for pedophilia or sexual harassment.

Why did I tell bits of the experiences I remembered? Because it changed me.

I stopped giving hugs. I stopped receiving any form of skin contact with friends and family. I freeze when I get touched. I stay still and I can't be touched. All my friends wonder why. Only one knows. And she has been there for me. She cares for me and I care for her.

Thank you all for reading. I'm sorry this was a bit gloomy.