LGBT+ Journal/Diary

FtM is me

Hey guys Andie here back with another gender milestone! I had originally thought that I was gender fluid but now I realise that I'm a transgender FtM.

It started in August when I was watching someone who is an FtM and I felt jealous that they didn't have boob's or a who ha. I was then angry at myself because I'm not in the physical form of a guy. I can't bind and it sucks.

I want to try and sneak one to school, but that would ultimately fail. Back to what I was saying.

When I identified as gender fluid I noticed that I had been male more than anything because that's how I felt. One day I came home feeling disgusted with my self and gave my dresses and skirts death glares. I wanted them to disappear.

I had gotten into a heated argument with my younger brother who said that I would never be a man. I came home, shut my bedroom door and cried.

Now that school has started I had bought some guy clothing, but mostly girl clothing because my grandma wouldn't buy me any other type. I have come out to my friends a.K.a one friend, my mom found out the day I broke down.

I was scared because my brain thought that because a lot of transgender people knew when they were kids and here I was in ninth grade just knowing now!

When I turn eighteen I'm going to get a more masculine haircut, because it just being like a short bowl cut isn't working, and I'm going to ask my mom for Christmas for a velcro binder.

So yeah, I have finally found out who I am and when I dress like a girl, because sadly I have to be, I pretend well not really pretend to be acting like a girl instead of being one because I love acting!

Being gender fluid is not a phase yet it can be a phase. Being trans is not a phase, yet it can be one. You just be you and do what makes you happy!
And just because this is very short I'm going to put two in one!

I told my dad about me being Bi! (I'm actually pan but Bi is just easy to say) and he is a homophobic transphobic everything phobic person. I had been wanting to tell him for a while and I knew it wasn't safe but not telling him was eating me up!

I had walked up to him and said "Dad, can we talk outside?" I walked outside phone in hand just encase something was going to happen.

He came out and I spoke my voice shaky "Dad...... I'm wow this is harder to say than I thought but I'm just going to say it."

He looked impatient "What is it Andie?"

"I'm Bi!" I spoke expecting cuss words and kicked out of the house, but it didn't happen. He just stared at me. He didn't cuss or yell. He just spoke in a bored tone.

"OK." And me thinking he was going to cuss was like.

"Dad I'm Bi do you know what that means?" I said a bit louder.

He growled "Of course I do and don't say that too loud. We have neighbors."

So that was me coming out to myself as an FtM and me coming out to my dad as a bisexual. If anyone has advice as to where I can get cheap velcro binders that would be lovely. Ciao!