The Blue Jay

Chapter Twenty: The Pain that Comes with Jay

Heyooo

I contemplated answering.

Hi

I'm bored

Cool

Not really

Save me from my boredom?

I couldn't.

Not right now

Is everything alright?

No.

Yeah

Are you sure?

No

Do you wanna talk about it?

Can you call right now?

Mia..

Please jay.. you don't have to talk, I just need to say this out loud and vent

Alright..

I clicked on the information button in the top right corner of the screen. My thumb hovered over the call button before finally deciding to hit it. The phone started to ring.

One time.

Two times.

Three times.

Four times.

I need to stop counting.

Five times.

Silence.

"Jay?" I sniffled.

I didn't get a response.

"Um.. cough if you can hear me," I said softly.

Suddenly, I heard a cough through the phone that I held up to my right ear. A small smile grew onto my face, lifting up my tear stained cheeks.

"So I uh," I paused for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"You can talk to me Mia, always," I heard a quiet delicate voice go through the phone.

He kept his voice soft- most likely not wanting me to find out who he is. But that was all I needed. Those couple of words gave me a sudden burst of emotion and suddenly I had tears streaming from my eyes again.

"I just don't know what to do Jay. I feel so lost. I'm trying so hard to be this positive outgoing person and help those around me but it gets so damn hard sometimes.." I paused while sniffling, "I try to keep all these feelings in, just hoping they'd go away because I didn't want to burden anyone since people have their own problems. But Jay.. I'm not happy," my voice came out gentle before turning rough as I choked on my tears.

I spoke the words that I've been refusing to acknowledge for weeks. And I spoke them to my crush. When he didn't say anything, I took that as a sign for me to continue.

"And I don't know what it is or why I'm sad," I took another deep breath, trying not to let out a sob, "I just am Jay, I just am."

I could feel myself slowly breaking with each word I spoke. My heart ached and my tears were fresh rolling one after another. I just wanted it to stop. Embarrassed by myself, I quickly hung up. I threw my head down into my pillow, causing my cries to become muffled. And then I heard it.

The soft ringing of my phone. I picked my head up from my pillow, my vision a bit blurred from my tears. Blinking a couple of times, I reached out for my phone. Jay. He was calling back. I wiped my cheeks with the back of my sleeves and answered.

I sniffled once before speaking, "Jay?"

"Listen here Mia. If you think I'm gonna be a coward because I'm afraid of my identity being shown while you're over here crying and hurting then you should think again," Jay's deep voice spoke causing butterflies to swarm in my stomach and hairs on the back of my neck to rise.

"I love you so fucking much. Fuck Mia, it's crazy how much I care for you. You drive me insane. And it kills me to know you're hurting. I want to be the reason why you're smiling, I want to help you. Please let me help you. I can't promise things will seem okay at first but in the end it will get better. It always does. I just want you to be happy," Passion and pain laced his voice as he confessed to me- his voice louder than he had ever spoken before.

I was quiet for a while, stunned. Unable to speak, frozen with shock. The butterflies came back along with the heat that filled my body but they weren't the only things. I had a sickening feeling in my stomach, like my heart dropped right down into my gut, shattering into a thousand peices.

"Damn it Mia. Please, say something," I heard him plead in desperation.

I finally mustered up the courage to speak after a couple of seconds.

"..Dylan?"

Silence.

"Fuck," I heard him mutter to himself quietly.

"No no, this can't be happening. You can't be him. You can't be Jay," I could feel the tears building back up again, my voice thick and raw with emotion.

"Please Mia, this isn't how I wanted you to find out. I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me. Just give me a chance to explain," I heard the desperation in his voice, but I just couldn't listen to his pleas.

"I can't do this.. not now. This just can't be happening. I trusted you. I liked you Ja-" I cut myself off. This boy was not Jay.

"I.. I need to go. Please don't text or call me ever again," I rushed my words and quickly hung up.

Turning off my phone, I stuffed my face into my pillow once again. I let the tears fall and the cries continue. I allowed my sadness to take over and the clouds to rain, soaking my body in  heart wrenching pain. I could feel it wetting my pale skin, poisoning it with each drop that landed.

I couldn't stop the pain. It just kept aching louder and louder with each beat my heart took. The pit in my stomach groaned wildly, no longer swarmed with butterflies but filled with emptiness. Every breath I took got overpowered by a sob as a tsunami of tears crashed down from my eyes to my cheeks.

"Please.. just be a dream. Please just be a dream. Please," I pleaded to myself in between cries.

With that lost thought in my mind, I cried myself to sleep.

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Don't hate me for this chapter? I mean you finally know who Jay is right? Well you don't know who Dylan is but shhhhh. You'll find out soon so.

EDIT: Sorry if I killed your heart in this chapter. I was in a shitty mood when I wrote it lmaoo.

Anyway, if you enjoyed(or didn't cuz ik I felt sad writing this) please vote or comment. It helps build my story <3

Also, don't be a silent reader. If you notice a mistake please point it out nicely. Thank you!! :)