The Blue Jay

Chapter Twenty-Two: Morning Dew

Mia stood in the park, the wet dew on the grass from the morning's rain seeping through the tip of her shoes. Dylan wasn't there yet, not that she was surprised. It was a five-minute walk for her and a fifteen-minute drive for him. She had the headstart, even with the dread that dragged her body slowly, she just wanted to get this whole situation over with. She was tired, so very tired of having to hold her heart together to only get it broken once more. 

Mia took a seat on a swing, sighing to herself. She let herself make small movements while her feet trawl on the woodchips beneath them. It was a sad sight, swings were made for fun and excitement, but here Mia was, the breathing definition of blue.

She heard a car pull up in the small parking lot of the park but she didn't dare look. Her eyes were glued to the ground and she bit her lip nervously. Was this the right idea? Should she run away while she still had the chance? Footsteps drawled closer and no, she wouldn't run. Mia was strong, she could handle this.

But then-- "Mia?" It was hushed, a slight whisper because anything above that would break the atmosphere that had been set on the foggy, white day of pain. Mia felt her heart split in two all over again. Fuck.

Mia's head slowly picked up, eyes meeting with her ex-boyfriend's. "Hi," she whispered back

"Can I?" He asked, motioning to the swing right next to her. She nodded, unwilling to meet his gaze again. They sat in silence for a while, neither of them knowing what to say or how to start. A couple of time Jay would open his mouth, ready to say something, and Mia would still slightly in the swing-- making him clamp his mouth shut. Mia didn't want to be the first one to say something, it was his mess he made and he has to take the initiative to clean it up. she was begging him in her mind to say anything at this point, but he never did. Mia was fed up and had to take a deep breath before talking.

"Are you going to explain yourself?" Mia asked trying her hardest not to sound sassy but it just sept into her tone. 

Dylan took that as his cue, "yes um.. okay, well," he fumbled over his words, trying to figure them out. Mia rose an eyebrow at him before urging him to continue.

He inhaled through his nose, closing his eyes, and then exhaled. "As you know, I texted you first and it seemed you had deleted my number, meaning you had no idea who I was," Dylan started explaining, "well when I realized that...Mia, I was so happy. I thought I was given this second chance, to win you back. I thought we would reconnect and rekindle what we had, which we did, and we could try us again."

Mia's jaw dropped open, how selfish could he be? "And you didn't think even for a second how it would make me feel? How hurt and humiliated I would be when I found I was fooled by you, again?"

"No, of course, I did!" Dylan exclaimed. "I did Mia, trust me, I did. But I just missed you so damn much, I thought it would work out. I know it's not an excuse and I know what I did was wrong. Mia, I'm so sorry."

Mia didn't know what to say. Her heart physically hurt, she could feel it throughout her entire body, agony breaking in her bones, pain flowing through her veins. Her head was pounding, her mind overflowing with thoughts and insecurities. Anger seethed through her teeth as she clenched her jaw and dug her nails into her palm for some sort of support to not burst right then and there. Tears of frustration pooled in her eyes and as she looked up, she knew that he knew there was no second chance; there was no forgiveness. Because Mia had gotten over their first break up, she forgave him and herself. But now, old wounds are opening up and fuck, it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad that all she can do is stare.

"You earned my trust and broke it all over again." Her voice came out shaky and uneven, her hand lifted slightly to point at him. Dylan reached out to take her smaller hand into his and she pulled away in lightning speed, not missing the pain gleam in his eyes. 

"I know Mia, I know. And I'm so, so sorry. I regret it so much. I love you," Dylan told her, eyes wide and rimmed in red, and she almost gave in. She truly almost did because she fell in love with him too, she was truly, madly, deeply in love. But fuck, love has caused her so much pain that she just can't go through anymore. So instead, she let the anger take over. She could feel the pit of anger growing from her stomach all the way to her throat, ready to unleash words created from raw and unfiltered pain.

"You don't get to say that! You don't get to come here and act as if you love me. If you loved me, you wouldn't have pretended this whole time. I feel like everything you've told me is a lie, I don't even know who you are, Dylan." The words tumbled from her mouth, cracky and stinging. All of it was true though because the betrayal cut her so deep and so hard, she fears she lost too much blood to recover. 

"Yes, you do! I'm still the same guy you've been texting for the past couple of months. I'm still the guy who has a weird pancake obsession and who likes to send you pictures of dogs randomly and who teases you about Teen Wolf. I'm still the guy who got attacked by a fucking blue jay." Dylan was panicked and rushed, yet still passionate to prove his point. "Mia, I'm still me," he finished softly.

Mia sighed, "that's the problem. You're still you." 

Dylan's eyes widened, hurt quickly flashing over his features.  And fuck, Mia's had enough. She needs to get out of this park right now and into the comfort of her bed where she can finally cry without letting Dylan see. So she gets up and she runs. She runs until she can't hear Dylan's loud and tear-filled voice shouting her name, she runs until her feet hurt from slamming onto the pavement, she runs until she successfully had gotten away. She ran in an attempt to have the pain of wheezing her lungs out overpower the strong ache in her chest, pulling and twisting her already damaged heart. It didn't work.