Twisted Tales: A Collection of Fanfiction and Short Stories

Falling Apart Without You

In the wake of his absence, I have found myself always borderline happy. There's this sadness that just clings itself to me and it never goes away. It just stays there with me wherever I go. On the outside, I seem like I'm going fine and that everything is okay, but I'm falling apart on the inside. I'll smile to my friends and tell them life is grand, but on the inside I'm shutting down completely. My emotions are nothing but a wreck nowadays.

I wake up alone, and realize that I'll never have him by my side again. The dark covers me and I find myself with nowhere to go. I see him in the back of my mind, and I miss him more.

I kept telling myself that everything is going to get better, but the truth is, when will they? Ever since he has left, my life has gotten so much worse. I still have those small bits of feelings for him, but what I miss the most is our friendship. I loved how comfortable it was and how I felt knowing that he would always have my back. I miss our late night texts and stuff like that. I find myself wishing that the two of us could just go back to our glory days. I always sigh to myself though because I know that that will never happen for me. He's gone for sure having the time of his life now. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here without him.

It's so nice and wonderful to have my other friends be there for me, but they all see I miss him because he made me feel the most alive. He brought me out of my shell and I thank him for that. My friends have been by my side since I lost him. They are there to talk whenever I need them. I just feel lost when the night rolls around though. I feel myself drowning in the darkness.

Besides losing him, there have been a few other things helping me spiral out of control. This is the first time that I'm really opening up about it to anyone, so this chapter really does mean a lot to me.

While all my friends get to go off to college universities and stay in the dorms, I will be finding myself stuck at home doing a semester of college online all over again. Last year, I graduated ahead of time in December, so I spent the spring semester doing community college online. It was fun to get some basics out the way, but there were two classes I needed to drop. Well, I was told that they were dropped, but when it came to transferring to a university for the fall, I was told I could not because they never did drop the classes. The school admitted to fucking me over, but they wouldn't fix it because it was too late. Now, for this semester, I have to pay $1,200 out of my own pocket to go. It's not bad that I'm going back to college, I really want to and all, but that's $1,200 that I'm losing from the money I had saved up for a car.

I'm really happy for my friends to be going off to the universities and all, but I feel like shit because they're getting to do what I wanted to be doing this upcoming semester. I would be doing it if that college had not fucked me over the way they did. Right now, I feel like a failure to my family because they were all hoping for me to go. Ever since they found out I'll be doing it online again, they've all turned their backs on me. Most of them won't even talk to me anymore and it hurts. I may have never been close to my family, but I did get a little but closer to them when I came out to them. Now I'm starting to lose them all over again.

I feel like I can never be good enough for them. Honestly? I feel like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. Every time something goes right in my life, everything else had to come crashing on down. It's been more like that ever since I lost him.

The other thing that has helped send me down is my mom, the one person who has always been there for me no matter what. Lately, she's been through more hell and back then I have. As of now, her social worker has her locked up in a mental hospital so they can find better ways to treat her bipolar disorder. She's there because she had breakdowns at the group home she was staying at. Well, I found out everything that really went down. For the last month, two of the workers have been teasing and bullying my mother. Also, they've been messing around with her medication and not giving it to her the right way. Because they were messing up her medicine, it was causing her to have these mental breakdowns and lash out. Now, the workers have been fired and all. All my friends in high school knew (I had moved to a new high school the first day of my freshmen year because mom and I moved over the summer), and they didn't care. They all thought she was a strong woman to keep going on.