Sanders Sides One Shots

*Hits Blunt* (Analogical)

This doesn't actually contain smoking or any drugs of any kind. The title is solely in reference to the meme. Also, this isn't in an AU.

*Logan's POV*

"Hey, Logan?" Virgil looked up from his laptop. "I got a question for you."

I closed my book, but not after putting my bookmark in it. I don't actually know why I do this. I remember what the page I put it on anyway.

"Ask away, Virgil." I straighten my glasses out of habit.

"Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?" He read off of his laptop screen.

"Sundials. People had sundials before they had clocks. Once they had clocks, they were almost made out of quartz because quartz pulse 60 times per minute." I narrowed my eyes. "Can I see what you're looking at?"

"Oh, sure. It's just an old internet thing, though." He turned the screen to me.

"'Hits Blunt'? Why are there asterisks around it?" The title alone was confusing. It would make sense why Virgil was inquiring such nonsensical inquiries.

"You mean the star thingies? It's to show that it's an action as opposed to a piece of dialogue, I think." Virgil shrugged. "Can I read you another?"

"Of course." I particularly enjoyed it when it was just him and me in the common room. There was a sense of rationality that wasn't normally present.

"If you come out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?" Virgil read and looked up from the screen.

"Mildew." I answered, putting it simply. He seemed taken aback by my no nonsense response, so I decided to elaborate. "I'm presuming you know what mildew is?"

"Was that meant to be an insult?" Virgil frowned before raising an eyebrow at me.

"Point taken." I nodded and continued. "Well, when you get out of the shower, presuming the water is relatively warm and the door to the bathroom is closed, the steam of the water in the air as well as the water on the towel will sit in the folds of the fabric until the next time you take a shower, but that water condenses as the temperature drops. That constant yo-yo of temperature eventually causes mildew to develop, so we wash the old water off to prevent that from happening."

"Someone's enjoying this." Was what I thought Virgil muttered under his breath as he scrolled through a few more. "Here's one: 'In the word scent, is the S or the C silent?'"

"Oh. That's an interesting one. Well, although cent and sent are pronounced exactly the same, the word 'Scent' comes from Latin. It's root is 'Sentire' meaning 'perceive or smell' so technically, the c is silent." I explained, silently thanking all of my Latin and Greek roots.

"Thanks, Microsoft Nerd." Virgil was about to read off another when I had to interrupt him.

"You can't just recycle Roman's old insults, Virgil." That triad of insufferable insults was the bane of my existence. I will most likely never live that down.

"Okay, fine, you pointed-eared hobgoblin. What would happen if Pinocchio said 'My nose is growing.'?" I was taken aback by his Star Trek reference as his insult.

"That's an enigma known as a paradox at first glance. It's basically like saying 'this statement is false' because if it is false, then the statement would be true, but that would be false, which would make the statement true, because that would make the statement false, making the statement true, and in turn-"

"I get the idea, L." Virgil held up a hand.

"Sorry. Paradoxes can be compared to diving by zero. Neither work. However, the statement that Pinocchio theoretically said was in present tense, therefore making the statement false. His nose would grow anyway because at the moment he'd said the statement, his nose wasn't growing." That one came a bit slower to me, which would have worried me, but these were basically modern day riddles, and I enjoyed answering them.

"If humans can see water, can fish see air?"

"Only if it's an air bubble in the water. Gases in general are invisible because the molecules are so spread apart. And even then, that analogy is wrong. Fish still breathe air, they just require less of it. Their gills filter out the air in the water so they can breathe. Nothing breathes a liquid."

"If you raise your phone to get a better signal, why is there no signal on the plane?"

I almost laughed at that one. "People are a bit oblivious, I suppose." That statement earned a scowl from Virgil. "Planes require a lot of communication via frequencies, so phone signals are out of the question. They interfere with air communication. We wouldn't want plane crashes for the sake of Tumblr, would be?"

"I mean... maybe? Where do you think I'm getting this from?" He shrugged.

"Fair enough, but a multiple hour period without internet won't directly cost you the end of your life."

"It might for me." His voice fit indefinitely quieter, which mildly worried me.

"Is your well being currently subpar?" I got up from the dining room and went over to the couch.

"That is the most professional way anyone's ever asked me how I'm doing." Virgil managed a slight and nervous laugh, which caused a slight twinge of aching pain in my chest and me to fight the urge to put my hand around his shoulders. "It's fine, really. Just... anxiety."

"The thought of being without something that's a staple in your everyday life suddenly being confiscated would cause anyone to become at least infinitesimally anxious. You don't need to squash that part of you. It would be like me refusing to acknowledge my hobbies of solving rubix cubes and enigmas of the like." I tried to put the situation in a new perspective.

"But you enjoy your logic." He scowled and fidgeted with his fingers. At first, it was just his thumbs. His hands were clamped together in a headlock made for fingers by fingers.

But then all of his fingers began to writhe in muffled pain, to the point where maybe he could break a finger if he wasn't careful.

A sudden wave of finality cane over me and I placed my left hand over his fists. "Logic is my identity. It's something that comes to me if my life is too frustrating or overwhelming to deal with. Who I am isn't necessarily a choice... it just comes without a say, and it leaves the same way. I don't particularly enjoy my logic. In fact, it's fraying at the edges a bit."

"I would say bursting at it's seams." Virgil glanced at my eyes before very quickly giving ice daggers to the carpet again.

"Thank you for that. However, it's something that we all work to overcome. We're becoming something more than simply Thomas's anxiety, Thomas's morality, Thomas's creativity, etc. We're becoming more like people in the real world who's presence just has a different effect on the way Thomas thinks." Saying that out loud made me realize what I had said.

"How meta can you get?" Virgil shook his head. "Thanks for the comic relief, Lo."

And with that being said, he slung his arm around my shoulders, and I did the same.

Yo sorry for being dead... I really have no excuse other than completely lack of inspiration or motivation. Oops(?)