Don't Do It

A Dead Reunion

It was great to see her again. I love her but now  she's set me right again. She told me how upset she was getting and me to stop what I was doing. She loves me and now I know that.

I loved my mum loads and I was struggling to come to terms with her death. She died of cancer. I always try to think positive and that she is not suffering anymore. I haven't always thinked positively and now I will tell you the story about it.

It was my fifteenth birthday and I was so happy. I was the happiest I had been for a while after the long first term of school. I was so tired but I was so happy with all the birthday presents and cards I had got. That was until I opened the last one. It was from my mum, who had wrote me birthday cards until I was 18. I opened it and it read ' To my darling son, I have been up here watching over you for a long time now and I am very proud of you. Don't let anyone change you because you're my boy. I hope you hadn't forgot about me. Love you forever and always mum x'

It was too much for me. I loved her and this brought all the memories I had of her. I missed her so much. I then remembered I had forgot her voice. I felt really bad and started to cry. I then ran into my shed (my own private space)

My shed is made out of wood and has a sofa and telly in there. I went there when I got upset. I went in there quite often as I did struggle with the fact I had lost my mum and I once stayed in there for a week coming to terms with everyone else having a mum and I didn't. I now realise that's not the case but I felt like that at the time. I had been in the shed alot but that day was different as I had thought of doing something I had never thought of before.

I saw some loose wood and a nail. I grabbed them and rolled my sleeves up. I started making marks on my arms with the wood and then began to slice through the marks with the nail. It felt amazing but I still don't understand why I did it.

This carried on for around a year because I was in a bad place and needed something to cheer me up. I thought this was the answer because it just made me feel better about everything. I never thought of the harm it was actually causing me.

Within this year I was cutting my arms and thighs. They were starting to look like a really scaly fish. I couldn't touch my skin anymore because I hated the feeling of it but I still continued to cut.

On one of the nights I was cutting it was really bad. I ended up cutting really deep and I started to see some of my tissue. This was when I knew it was starting to get back. I started to plan a solution of how to solve the problem.

It took a while to plan but I planned it. In the time I was planning I kept cutting and cutting. So my plan was getting distracted by all the blood I kept seeing. My plan changed my life completely.

One night I decided to put my plan into action. I went out for a walk and my heart was trying to stop me to accomplish it. I kept telling myself I was about to see my mum and it was all ok. Inside I was scared but knew I had to do it to see her.

I walked up to a bridge. Underneath the bridge was grass and a footpath. No one was on it so I decided this was it. I jumped...

"Where am I?" I said. I then heard a voice say "you're safe now" I recognised the voice from somewhere but couldn't remember where. I opened my eyes.

I looked up and saw my mum standing there above me. "Mum" I shouted in joy. She looked at me and hugged me. She then spoke "What are you doing?"
"I miss you and want you in my life again" I said
"I am in your life. I am in there" she explained pointing to my heart "I love you and always will but I'm disappointed in you for hurting yourself." "Why?"
"When you do it, you're hurting my precious son and I don't like that. I love you just remember that"
"I love you too" I then closed my eyes.

I was in a strange room. I didn't recognise anything until I saw a nurse. I asked her where I was and she said I was in a hospital getting treated for a broken leg. I thought I was lucky just for that to happen. I didn't deserve another life but now I was willing to change. I did change.

I was in hospital for about a week and then I was allowed out and now knowing what my mum thought I stopped cutting. I stopped because I didn't want to hurt the person I missed most. I loved her.

It was great to see her again. I love her but now  she's set me right again. She told me how upset she was getting and me to stop what I was doing. She loves me and now I know that.• someone is self harming for attention and is getting all of it.