Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

94

-My kind of ending.

When you read books, about love and friendship, it's always the same endings. It's either they finally get back together, or they never talk or interact ever again.
I made my ending different, because that's what felt right to me. After all this time, I can finally be sure of the right way to do it, since I don't care about you nor want you back.
I can't even remember the last time I really thought about you. You used to live in my mind, but over the years, you slowly lost your intensity in it until you disappeared.
I now know everything. I know everything I didn't before, all the shit that happened between the three of you behind my back, all the hurt the third party suffered because he got too close to you two. I thought he was tired of my overthinking, turns out he was tired of your bullshit.
After he told me the truth he owed me years ago, I saw it all, and it finally made sense. I knew there was something missing. You two were inseparables, and me getting hurt was bound to happen considering how everyone who got close to you ended up bleeding betrayal. I was so blind, and unprepared for the storm that suddenly came and made me feel helpless. Nothing made sense at that time, I thought it was all my fault when it clearly wasn't. I only wanted to forget that you were turning out to be snakes, and wanted to keep you even though you were toxic to me. I'm glad I walked away. And now, I'm glad I made peace with all of you. I'm on good terms with two of them, the first, knowing his way of thinking and doing, knowing the way he uses people to get what he wants, is someone I'll never trust again; the same goes for the other one that made peace with me from the start and always seems to be 'oh so caring', that wants what's best for me, to stay away from his inseparable bestfriend, that shared a complicated situation with me, and seems to fail at hiding the fact that he wants us to stay away from each others because he obviously wants me, since he keeps on telling me that his bestfriend doesn't want to have anything to do with me when I know he misses me and wanted to talk with me, but me wanting to show off some attitude scared him away. Now I wanted us to end it differently, since I know his bestfriend is the real snake that wants it all to stay the same way. I hated his guts, nobody had the right to write how things happened in my life, only I had this power. I striked suddenly, hitting the follow buttom. And he followed back, which meant I was right. I meant something to him, he didn't hate me, he was just unsure of how to act when it came to me. I was a storm and a rainbow at the same time. I could make his life either a blissful heaven or a living hell. But now he knows I hold no grudges. I don't need or want him to text me. I don't believe it is necessary to open his eyes about his dear bestfriend he calls brother. I think this step is enough. It isn't bad for my mental health since he doesn't mean anything to me anymore, so following him won't affect me negatively. It shows maturity, forgiving without hearing an apology, and wisdom, not getting close again. I'm proud of doing it. Now, if I ever meet him years from now, I'll just send him a small smile, and then go on in my life. I won't remember him as the guy I hated all my life. He is just another flawed human, and we have different ways to deal with things and different perspectives of life. The same goes for the other two. Now I understand that forgiving does not require being good friends again, and there's nothing wrong with doing what you feel best for you. I thought I was the problem, and that was the reason it hurt me to remember what happened. Now I see that it's not, they played their roles in my story and I don't need them anymore.