LGBT+ Feels

love is suppose to be real - lucas and erin

could be triggering, talks about death.

•

lucas couldn't seem to comprehend the situation he was in. he sat still at the kitchen counter, tears dripping down his pale face as he looked up at erin.

his face was stone cold as he crossed his arms, but lucas saw the twitch of his right eye and the force he had in order not to cry. lucas wished he could laugh and point out the small feature to erin like he usually did, but he remembered what this what about and how hurt he felt in the moment.

he sniffled as he felt his chest tighten and his feet kicked at the ground to distract himself from continuing crying. "i suppose this was destined to happen," he forced out from his trembling lips. "sensed it."

erin broke eye contact with him and shifted his weight on his other foot. "i-i never met for this to happen, luc, okay? my mind was never set on this until yesterday."

lucas then laughed obnoxiously, no humor intended. "yes, yes it did. you thought of it, processed it in your head, and decided to throw your promises to me out in the trash like it was nothing. you know, i always had that gut feeling, but you said shit and messed with my head!"

"things just went bad. the arguments started and you seemed more sad than normal. i can't do anything for you," erin explained, trying to reach out to lucas.

he pulled his hand back and stood from his seat, "bullshit, you were doing something for me. you were there, you seemed like you cared."

erin sighed, sitting down on one of the stools. "i can't handle you, lucas. you're a ball of depression and insecurity. i tried, i truly did, but you're too much," he muttered.

lucas sat down beside him, defeated. "love is suppose to be real," he whispered.

"it is."

"if it was, you'd understand that love doesn't come with a set of rules. love isn't something you can give up on and if you cared, you wouldn't be doing this. because if you loved me, deep down loved me, you'd fight for us. you'd work with me, help me, and i could help you."

"it's not that easy," erin said.

lucas shook his head, "love isn't easy, erin. love isn't something you walk around giving out. it has so much meaning to it. you never loved me."

it was silent for a second, the words floating in the air and tears falling to the wooden ground. lucas could've cried for hours, days, weeks. he was hurt, broken inside.

he thought this would work. he thought they had enough love and care in their hearts for each other that they would last forever. lucas was wrong. he was so very wrong. love was pointless. soulmates were fake. true love was a myth.

his grey eyes met erin's brown ones, "i'm in love with you," the man whispered. he leaned closer to lucas, a look of fear and slight guilt in his eyes. "i adore you from the tip of your brown hair to the bottom of your foot. my mind has always been set on you."

"then why are you doing this to me?" lucas asked, his voice seeming so weak.

"we both have our flaws and maybe i'm wrong for doing this, but if love is true and we're soulmates, we'll find our way back to one another, open arms and lovable hearts."

and lucas watched as erin walked out of his life. he remembered how he stood from the black stool, yanked his jacket on, and walked out the door without one glance back. maybe lucas felt broken before, so very hurt and lifeless. but something told lucas that this had scarred him more.

his heart felt weak inside his chest and his mental health was worse than before. in his mind, he was ready to die and he never wanted to love again. he didn't want to look at anyone in love, even dream about the pointless subject.

love is suppose to be real.

but maybe it isn't.

lucas hoped to never know as he filled his bathtub up with water. he took his clothes off his fragile body and wiped off his reoccurring tears. the mirror seemed disgusted in him, knowing his intentions.

he slowly sank into the warm water and closed his eyes. the bubbles smelled tropical and the warmth of the water started to enclose him. and before he could attempt to cause himself pain, his head popped up from the water as he gasped for air.

lucas threw the mental object across the room that sat in his hand. he looked around the white room, but it seemed blurry and he couldn't focus because the light was bright. lucas realized how stupid he was.

yes, he hurt so much. he felt like he was suffering more than any human should, but erin was in his head, yelling at him with agony lacing his beautiful voice.

erin made him want to die, but also made him want to stay alive. even though lucas cried himself to sleep every night for weeks. even though he hurt so bad everyday, he knew that erin would die too if lucas was to go.

•

something a little sad from a sad soul.