LGBT+ Feels

touch of love- aiden and chris

aiden never really understood the meaning of love. the concept was too huge for him and the feeling seemed overwhelming. he soon found out that he was right and he didn't know how to handle falling in love with chris, his best friend of ten years.

he noticed a change within himself a year ago and it was all too confusing for him. not once had aiden looked at chris any type of way other than as his best friend. it was as if the threads of his heart came undone and he was bursting with love for chris out of nowhere.

at age eighteen, aiden finally accepted himself, but he was growing tired of the love he had and didn't know how to keep such a secret from chris. laying next to each other seemed different now. it didn't feel like a sleepover, more of torture for aiden each time they laid chest to back.

he wanted a feeling from chris, loving or lustful. the boy just wanted something.

aiden groaned in frustration, but suddenly stopped and lightly gasped as he felt chris' rough fingertips running up the inside of his shirt. gulping, aiden shut his mouth and pretended to not care, but his soft skin was burning against chris' hand.

he heard a chuckle, but he laid still, letting chris run his hand over his slight abs until he reached his neck and lightly squeezed his fingers against it. aiden gasped out a soft moan, putting his hand on top of chris'.

"w-what are you doing?" he whispered, still facing away from him. his breathing was shaking and the touch he so desired made his head spin. this was a dream and he didn't want to wake up from it.

aiden inhaled sharply before choking out air, quickly sitting up in his bed. his eyes darted back and forth as his chest heaved with his panting. he sighed, frowning as the realization hit him. that wasn't real and chris didn't feel what he felt.

his skin still buried, so he threw the covers off of him and curled his legs up to rest his head on his knees. "aiden?" he heard chris whisper, a hint of worry in his voice. "did you have a nightmare?"

aiden felt like screaming; crying; fuck throwing something against the wall. "it was the opposite," he muttered, lifting his head with tears flowing down his pale face. his shaky hand ran through his black hair as he looked at chris.

"but why are you crying," the brunette whispered, sitting up from the bed. he pulled aiden close, resting his chin on top of his head. "please don't cry."

aiden whimpered, struggling to get out of chris' grip. he pushed him away and rolled over on the bed as he let out a cracked cry. the emotions were too much for him to handle.

chris frowned, laying back down and facing aiden's back again. his hand touched his shoulder, but aiden shrugged it away, making chris sad. "please, i wanna help," he sadly muttered.

aiden quickly turned, pushing chris away from him again. "d-don't try to help me!" he yelled with a stream of tears falling from his eyes. "you can't! there's nothing for you to do, because i'm fucking stupid!"

he felt disgusted with himself even though he couldn't help his feelings. for the love of God, he was so deep in love with chris he felt like his world was spinning each time they talked or touched. the dream was all too real and it broke his heart to know that it wasn't.

aiden knew he shouldn't push his best friend away from him. he was just selfish and the feeling of heartbreak seemed too painful for him to actually admit how he felt. yet, aiden had the words on the tip of his tongue, ready to yell at chris and just tell him after two years how he truly affected him.

but he stopped yelling and sat still on his bed as he faced chris. frantically, he forced his tears away, but he still cried into his hand. "don't do that," chris sniffled, looking at the wall instead of aiden.

"w-what?" aiden stuttered, eyeing the boys tan face. in the moonlight he saw the glistening of his best friends tears and knew he had to finally say something. chris didn't let him speak, he eyed him again, his brown eyes shining with hurt.

"pushing me away isn't gonna make it any better for yourself, ai. i've always been here for you though your deepest moments and you've been there for me. i'd never judge you or hurt you in any way, because i only ever wanted to protect you," chris said.

"i love you," aiden sighed, falling into chris' arms and he cried again, feeling helpless. "more than you know."

chris didn't say much. he just sat there holding his best friend in his arms, rocking him back and forth as he whimpered into his neck. his ran his fingers through the boys messy black hair. slowly, he pulled aiden's head back to look into his eyes.

"tell me," he urged. aiden didn't know what to do. he was withholding such a secret that could destroy their friendship. those years were hell for him. the struggle seemed unbearable as he changed into who he was suppose to be. the him he didn't like or understand completely.

your feelings don't just change overnight, but it felt that way to him. his world was crashing each day as his heart beat a different way for chris. a way that hurt him more than anyone could know.

he eyed chris as the sky started to paint colors of pink and orange. the rise of the sun shined through his blinds and a frown stayed on his face as he slowly lifted his hand to brush chris' cheek. the mixed of the sunrise and the beauty of his best friend had him blushing and his thoughts consisted of unrealistic expectations.

aiden wanted to wake up beside him everyday. this time in his arms with his nose stuffed in his neck as he pressed light kisses onto his jaw. he wanted to crawl on his lap in his times of need and have chris tell him everything would be alright. he wanted his soft touch that felt like a whisper against his skin.

love like his was strong, heartbreaking, but so truthful and deep that the secret had to come out in order for him to move on with himself. so, with a small smile set on his pink lips, he moved his other hand up to chris' cheeks and watched the boys face twist with confusion.

he was like the swirl of the sky, bright and vibrant. his eyes were like coffee and looking into them made aiden swoon, even though those eyes have looked at him plenty of times. aiden couldn't help but adore chris with his whole being.

"i remember the day i-i... the day i fell in love," he recalled. chris looked at him with confusion, but put his hands on top of aiden's, a feeling of comfort taking him over. "it wasn't suddenly, my feelings were only small and innocent. then you looked at me, the goofiest smile on your face as you beat me in mario kart."

chris felt his cheeks warm up and his lower lip quivered as aiden explained. "each day since i found myself falling for you. your smile seemed brighter and meant more to me. that day you had this look in your eyes and i adored it. your happiness made me light up inside and when you looked at me, nobody else mattered."

aiden breathed in a shaky breath, letting his hands slip from chris' face. he stared at the wall as the familiar feeling of tears came back. "i'm terrible at emotions and new at this whole love thing. sometimes i speak too much and my words are too deep, but that's just me."

"i love you," chris told him as he cupped his chin, turning his head towards him. "you are so perfectly imperfect," he leaned his forehead against aiden's and moved his hand to the side of his neck.

"i've noticed, you know, the way you look at me with hope in your eyes. i see the pure love you have for me and i'd be stupid if i didn't love you back," he chuckled.

"well, that certainly wasn't the response i had in mind," aiden admitted. he felt his heart swell and all he had thought was thrown out as chris leaned his body into his, hovering his plump lips over his. they barely touched, but it was just enough to make aiden breathless.

chris squeezed slightly at his neck, eyeing him when he tipped his head back. he noted that, before pulling him in for a kiss. it was slow, chris moving his lips lightly. that was just the touch of love aiden craved.