Hidden Bad Ass

Heart & mind battle

While I sat on my bed waiting to fall asleep all I could think about was clover. He wasn't that jerk I thought he was in the beginning of the school year.

I laid there and my eyes slowly shut and before I could fall deep into a dream I heard pecking at my window.

I got up and opened my window.

Outside was Jake with a box and balloons that floated in the air with 'sorry' on them.

"Hey" he said as he stared up at me.

There was a glimmer in his eyes like he was looking up at the most precious thing in the world.

"Hi"

"Hey look I'm really sor-"

right there I remembered how great my date with clover was and how great of a guy he was over all.

"Save it Jake. You really hurt me today and it's going to be awhile before I forgive you."

"April I'm really sorry what I did was a really idiot move today and once I walked out I realized what I was leaving behind and I wanted to go back in but I knew you'd never forgive me."

I felt tears fill up in my eyes.

"Just go away Jake."

I closed my window and laid back down.

I herd a knock on my window again but this time a real knock. I turned over and there was Jake. He found my ladder and climbed up.

I couldn't just leave him there so I let him in. Once he got in he pulled me close and hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry, I love you."

He pulled away and gave me the box and balloons. I put them on my dresser and sat on my bed.

"so can we just please talk?"

he asked.

I patted my hand on the empty space on my bed next to me signaling for him to sit down.

He sat next to me and began talking.

"I'm really really sorry April. Your the only real friend I've had. You accepted me even when I was that lame geek and no one else did, I really do love you, your my bestfriend. I did wrong to you and I understand if you never want to forgive me. Your the only real girl I loved since my mom. Just please ple-"

in the middle of his babbling I just kissed him.

He raised his hand up to my cheek and rubbed my warm skin. This was wrong.

Me with him. Me not with clover. This kiss. It was all wrong but it felt so right. I felt like I belonged here with his hand on my cheek and our lips dancing together. But my mind told me this was so wrong like walking into a dark room while a killers in your home.

I wasnt sure what to do. My mind and heart battled it out for what I would do but I just sat there taking in the moment. Jake was my first love. My love, bestfriend and some much more.

For Christ sake I gave up my virginity to the boy.

I liked clover but I loved Jake.

And so deep inside as bad as I wanted him to suffer for how he treated me and earn it back.

I wanted him. All of him.

I pulled him closer as our tongues fought for dominance. He fell to the bed as I pulled my shirt over my head.

He pulled me down and kissed me as his hand traveled down my ribs.

He rolled over leaving him on top.

Taking off his shirt I seen his master piece body.

Lord.

As he kissed my neck I thought if this was right or not.

It wasn't but my heart won that long lasting battle and my minds thoughts meant nothing now.