misunderstood (remington leith)

IX

(I'm sorry if the main character doesn't seem very diverse- I don't know you guys personally- and writing a story like this is hard, [from your perspective] hope you don't mind- you can use your imagination if you don't like it.)

It was like three AM. Remington and I were still awake and talking. "We should go to bed, I have work to do, and I don't need you out all day tomorrow." I rubbed my face. "I just wanna know why." He said and he looked at his hands. He hadn't stopped touching stuff all day. His hair, my hair, my hands, his hands, the wall, his pants, everything,

I took a deep breath. He deserves to know- I'm just as much a stranger to him as he is to me. "When I was younger, I used to have to take a religion class because my mother was very religious. I- however- wasn't. But I loved her so I took it anyway. I've always had mild anxiety, but one day in this class- I-" I stopped myself, I took a deep breath. My lungs felt like they didn't want to expand. They didn't want the air I was trying to give them.

"Take your time." He said to me and he put a comforting hand on my leg. I let the breath sit in my skeleton.

"I gave myself a panic attack- but I don't really remember why- I began hyperventilating and wheezing." I felt my heart ache when I spoke. I could feel his eyes digging into me, wanting more, wanting to help me. "The teacher stopped prayer to see what was wrong with me- I couldn't breathe, it was my first ever panic attack and I didn't know what to do- I was only 7." I felt my voice getting quieter, the hope in me was sinking into a corner of my body, trying to hide.
He ran his thumb along my leg. "Do you want to talk about it later- I didn't mean to-" "no it's okay." I stopped him.

He looked at me with sad eyes. "She renounced me and called me the devil- she told me that the prayer of Christ was fighting my inner evil. So instead of helping me- she called me demonic in-front of my whole second grade class. That only made the panic get worse. They all began praying for me instead of helping me off the floor and out of the ball I began to curl into. I blacked out." I bit my lip hard and held back my tears. "When my mother found out, that I 'passed out from Satan's presence in religion class' she lost it, and she took me to be tested. I know you've had electro therapy- from when I was 7 until I was 13, she tried to electrocute the devil out of me." I balled my fists and felt my heart shut down.

Remington immediately brought me into a hug. "I was exercised- all because I had hereditary recessive anxiety." I whispered. "Oh my god- Y/N I'm so sorry, you were just a kid. I cant even imagine what that's like. I was 20 when I had my first electro shock, and I thought I was gonna die- you must've been petrified. I'm so so sorry." He rubbed my back.

That was the first time I had told anyone that, that was the first time I'd opened up my heart to anyone and let them see what was inside of me.

"They thought I was something I wasn't."
"They misunderstood me."

I knew he understood why I cared for him, why I wanted to help him, I saw the same misunderstood soul in him- that I had. "When I was 17 I began taking psychology classes, I wanted to study the brain and how it behaves, so I could understand myself. And here we are" I laughed a little, tears in my eyes. He laughed too. He wiped my face and hugged me tighter.

He glances behind me like he's not sure were alone.
He presses his lips together closes his eyes for half a second and I marvel at the darkness in his irises. His fingers and inch up the side of my body like he's struggling to keep them in one place, like he's struggling not to touch me everywhere everywhere everywhere and his eyes are drinking in the inches of my frame and I'm so I'm so I'm so caught.

His fingerprints are ten points of electricity killing me with something I've never known before. I wasn't alone anymore, not only did I know how he felt, but he knew how I felt.

Someone understood me.

I kissed his face again begging for more of a connection between us. I immediately pulled away and apologized. "I'm sorry." I whispered. He shook his head no. He looked between my eyes like he was trying to find his words in them. "please" he said- his voice was barely audible. His lips touched mine again and we both kissed each other like our lives depended on it.
I ran my hands through his hair and he pulled me in close. His breath fanned my neck. "I have one more ground rule." He offered, and I smiled. "Lay it on me." I repeated his words. "You come talk to me if you need anything- if you're helping me: I'm helping you." He said and I felt my heart ache.

"No matter what."