billie eilish imagines (girl x girl)

jumpsuit ♡

"I'll be there, but you have
to grab my throat."
☆彡
*self harm trigger!*

Hopeless. If you could use one word to describe how you felt right now, it would be hopeless. You weren't going through anything specific, but you were sad. Depressed, actually.

You were never diagnosed with depression, or anxiety. Nothing like that, but today out all days, you felt worthless. Sad, broken and abandoned.

You sat in the empty bathtub, with no water and stared at your wrists. It would feel so nice to just, take a small,  little slice at them.

You told yourself no, but it was too hard.

You took the razor blade, and made a small cut. It was a small, tiny cut. It looked like a cat scratched you, and so you made more. Until you had around 15 or 16 little cuts.

"I can just blame the cat." You said to yourself, as you put your sweater back on and hid the razor.

"I'm home!" You heard your girlfriend yell.

"Billie," You say, walking into the kitchen and hugging her, "I missed you."

"Aw, love I missed you too." She says while kissing you.

You twitched a bit from the material on your sweater which started to burn your cuts.

"Y/N," Billie gasped, "there's blood on your sweater!"

"I know! The cat got upset with me and scratched the hell out of me." You lied, pouting.

"Aw, baby," Billie says, "it'll heal up soon, i love you."

"I love you more." You say, kissing her again.

She won't ever know. Never.

Later that day, Billie was laying in bed with you, watching a movie and snuggling.

"I love you, ya know." She says, giggling.

"I think I love you much, much more." You say, humming.

She always made you happy, but sometimes it hurt that she didn't notice when you were really hurting. Sure, you didn't really tell her about anything, but she should put effort into making sure she knows everything.

That night, when the moon was rising, you went on the balcony. The wind was softly blowing as you stood there, in your little satin night dress. The moon was shining down on you, making you glow faintly.

You leaned on the railing, when you heard a voice calling out for you ever so faintly in the wind. You looked around, but saw nobody, and you got a bit scared. The night was so dark, you could barely see, but you saw a shadow in the corner of the balcony, and you jumped a bit.

"Sorry," The shadow says, emerging revealing Billie, "you weren't in bed with me, and I saw you outside. Alone, in the cold. Are you good?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking out here." You say, softly.

"About what?" She whispers, hugging you from behind.

"I forgot." You lie.

"Y/N..." She says, softly, "I've noticed for the past few weeks, at early hours in the morning, you come outside. Are you okay?" She asks, concerned.

"I've been just, like, out of it lately." You say, honestly.

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"I feel alone. I feel so lost." You mumble, softly.

"You never mentioned that, why?" She asks.

"I thought maybe you would come to save me, from being so alone all the time." You say, tears starting to roll your cheeks.

"You're never alone," She whispers hugging you, "I'm sorry, it's hard for me to understand what you're going though, because I will never know what you're thinking. I'm trying my best, Y/N." She says, honestly.

"I often think about leaving." You say, sadly.

"W-what? You don't want to be together anymore?" She says, the pain in her voice was so obvious.

"No! I meant, like, talking my own life." You say, crying.

"No, baby, come here," She says to you, "don't ever think that. You would be hurting me the most, please don't ever."

"I know, sometimes I hate everything. All the hate your fans send to me." You mumble.

"They have?" She asks, upset.

"Yeah, death threats and all." You confess.

"God, come to bed with me. I'll deal with this tomorrow, okay baby girl?" She says.

You fell asleep quickly in Billies warm embrace, and the next morning you found Billie in the living room on her phone.

"Y/N! I made  a post on instagram, twitter and added to my snap story that if people keep sending hate, i'll delete all my social media." She says, smiling at you.

"Billie, no, you shouldn't put me before your fans." You say.

"No, Y/N. You're way more important." She says, as you sit down and snuggle beside her.

"Please, dont ever hurt yourself." She begs.

"I promise." You say.

She lifts your arm up, and looks your wrist, and you sat there nervously.

"Are these really cat scratches?" She asks.

"No." You answer with honesty.

"Y/N..." She says, sadly.

"I promise I won't ever again, it was a one time thing, I swear!" You beg.

"it better be, Y/N! I love you too much to lose you." She says, hugging you.

"Stay with me forever, okay?" You giggle.

"I promise." She says, kissing you.

"Jumpsuit."
☆彡

OMG GUYS THANKS FOR 800+ READS! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.
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