Escaped Thoughts

Dear Zed

Dear Zed,

It's been a while. Perhaps a couple of days, but still, I miss you. I really really miss you. And even though I could literally talk to you whenever I wanted, it still feels like you're so far away. Technically you are. You are in another state after all. And it's so weird, but you feel so distant. So far away. Out of my grasp. I want to "hug you and be close to you" as you once said to me. And it's probably not love,  it's probably just an infatuation, or even a brief passing of lust, but I still can't help but think about you. I can't help but miss you. I miss the feeling you give me when we talk. That tingly, buzzing, warm, fluffy feeling inside me.

It's crazy what you do to me. And you think you know, but you don't. It's really so much more. You might understand though. You've told me before. It might just be little lies and exaggeration, but i can always hope. I can always dream. Of what we could be.

We haven't talked recently. I understand why. You're busy, i get it. I hope you're having fun. You deserve it. And when you come back, probably tired, you still try and talk to me too. And believe me, I want to talk to you too. It's just, it gets so late, that I fall asleep before you talk to me. But sure enough, in the middle of the night, I wake up, instantly thinking about you and cursing myself and my dumb body for getting tired and falling asleep. And I want to stay awake, I want to talk to you, I want to check up on you, make sure you're okay, and that there's nothing bothering you.

Although, what could be bothering you? You're strong. Or it's the fact that you don't give a fuck. Either way, I want you to be okay. Actually, there's one thing I've heard that might be bothering you, but i don't know if it's true. I hope it is. I don't want it to bother you though.

God, I miss you so much. It's driving me crazy. I broke down today because I missed you. It was shocking, really. God, please come back soon. I miss you. I need you. I need to talk to you, to see you, to be with you. You're on my mind a lot more than i care to admit, but it's true. I need to see you before school starts. After that we might be too busy. Or you might find someone else. God, I really hope you don't find someone else.  I don't want to lose you. God, I am so fucking scared of losing you.

You are one of the best things to have happened to me. You are one of the best things in my life. You've helped me so much and influenced me so much. You wouldn't believe it. My art style, my writing style, my musical taste, my motivation, it all has been affected by you. You are my muse. My lovely subject that inspires me to create. To create stories and art and songs and so much. You are the masterpiece. Not my masterpiece, but your own. It's my poetic way of telling you I love you.

hahahahahaha this letter/vent turned out to be wayyyyyyyyy longer than i originally intended lol. Well that's fine. You just get to know more of what's going on inside my head. My jumbled mess of a head. I don't know if you'll ever get the chance to see this, or if I'll ever show you, but regardless, it's what's been bothering me all day. It's what I've been wanting to tell you, although I'm too scared to.

Imma end it there cause it'll get too long if I go on. Goodbye Zed, come back soon.

Love, Lee