To The Only Boy I've Loved Before

Never Second Best

They spent the journey in a comfortable silence, Lauren just enjoying the sensation of Joey leaning on her.

When they got off the coach, Joey went to get their bags. As Lauren was stood waiting for him, Melissa came up to her.

"Hey Lauren, I think it's so great that you came on the ski trip. I hope you had fun!" she said snarkily.

Lauren said nothing, not wanting to lose her cool.

"Also, I just wanted to say that I think it's really good of you to be so understanding about my friendship with Joey," Melissa continued.

"What?" Lauren snapped.

"Well you know, I just mean a lot of girls would be pretty weirded out by their boyfriend sleeping in someone else's room, but you're so trusting," she said with fake sweetness.

Lauren swallowed, stunned almost into speechlessness.

"Nice try, but I know exactly where Joey was last night," she spat with a fake smile. 

She hurried over to Joey, who was carrying their suitcases towards her. He smiled at her as she approached him, but she just pulled her case out of his grip and hurried off.

"Hey, Lauren!" he called after her. "Wait up! I can give you a lift."

"No, it's okay, I'll walk," she said without stopping.

"Lo? Is everything okay?"

"Mmhm," she said, not looking over her shoulder. She wanted to trust him, she really did. But she couldn't help but wondering if she'd given away her heart to Joey when it was still all just a game for him.

She may have gone to sleep beside him, and woken up beside him. But what was to say he hadn't gotten up in the middle of the night and gone to Melissa's room? Was that why he was so tired? Because he hadn't really fallen asleep with her at all? She didn't want to believe it. But she had no proof that that wasn't what happened.

She allowed a few tears to roll down her face. Better to let it out now than once she was back home, it saved her from having to explain it to Julia. She had really thought that Joey liked her the way she liked him, but now she couldn't help but doubt him. 

She opened her front door to find the place decked out for Christmas, the tree sparkling with fairy lights and tinsel strung up in every place possible, and she had to fight to hold back tears at the unexpected realisation of how much she had missed this place.

Jaime came in the door behind her, and Julia appeared at the top of the stairs at that moment. She ran down and gave the two a hug.

"I missed you," she said, squeezing Lauren tightly, and she immediately felt awful remembering how horrible she'd been to Julia before she left.

"It was only two days," Lauren laughed, but then she whispered "I missed you too."

They were sat at the table eating Julia's welcome home dinner when there was a knock at the door.

Lauren excused herself to go and answer it unthinkingly. In hindsight, she should have let one of the other girls get the door, but she only realised that when she saw Joey stood there wringing his hands.

"Hey. We need to talk," he said.

Lauren looked over her shoulder and saw Julia and Jaime pretending not to eavesdrop.

"Not here," she said, walking outside with him. She pulled her cardigan closer around her to stave off the cold, and Joey's arm twitched as if to pull her into a hug but then he clenched his fist.

"Listen, I talked to Melissa and I know what she's been saying." he began, and Lauren decided that she didn't want to hear his excuses.

"Joey, I'm tired of being second best, or fake best, or, I don't know-"

"No no no, you don't get it, okay, I don't feel anything for Melissa. What she told you, it's all lies. Last night was-"

"Last night was a mistake," she said firmly, and ignored the way her heart broke at the sight of his face crumpling with sadness.

He shook his head, and she could see his eyes growing teary. She took a deep breath, hating that she wasn't able to trust him when there was nothing she wanted to do more.

"This might not have been a big deal to you, but it was to me. It is to me," she told him.

"Who says it's not a big deal to me?" he asked incredulously.

"Says the fact that you're still talking to Melissa," she said harshly.

"Look, I-"

"Joey, just leave," she said, unable to stop the tears spilling over.

"Can we go inside and talk about this?" he begged, his cheeks wet with tears too.

His eyes flicked over her shoulder, and she turned around to see Darren. She closed her eyes and put her head in her hands, wondering if she was dreaming right now.

"She asked you to leave, buddy," Darren said, coming to a stop just behind Lauren.

She gave him a tense smile. "Darren, I'm fine, go home."

"No, it's alright," he said, and looked at Joey, a challenge in his eyes.

"No. No, no, are you serious right now?" Joey said, his voice unsteady.

Lauren looked between Joey and Darren helplessly.

"This isn't about me and Mel at all. No, this is about you and Darren," Joey said angrily.

"Are you kidding me?" Lauren said, her voice cracking. She shook her head desperately, needing Joey to understand that he couldn't be more wrong.

"This is the reason you tried to break up with me, you're still in love with Darren," he said in disbelief.

How could he think that? After last night? Lauren had been sure that that was it for her and Joey, that was the moment it became real for them and they could finally stop the fake relationship and start a real one. And now her world was crashing down around her.

Too late she realised that she hadn't exactly shot down his accusation, and Darren's next words didn't help her case.

"If Lauren wanted to break up with you, then it's probably because she's come to the life altering revelation that she's too good for you," Darren said, his voice betraying his anger towards the boy who was once his best friend.

"What, and you're not?" Joey spat back.

"Joey, go home," Lauren sobbed.

Joey kicked at the ground in sheer frustration. "God, you were never second best."

He walked away, and Lauren sank to the ground, resting her head in her hands.

"Lauren, I'm sorry," Darren said slowly.

"Get out of here!" she shouted, and through the gap in her hands she watched him walk away, sobbing even harder.