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9/14

I don't have any introduction, but I thought this for awhile now. 

That I should write here, and write how my days go even though no one will read. 

So here goes the first day. 

This format is just how I talk, or like texting. 

It's really broken up because I just want to say the right words. 

Homecoming is coming soon, and being in high school is all filled with those fantasies from movies, at least for me. 

I had a vision that I'd go with someone who liked me, and whom I liked back. 

Sadly, those movie scenarios were just high school movies. It won't happen. At least not for me. 

No one wants their heart broken when they like someone, and especially when they get rejected when asking that special person to homecoming or prom. 

That really sucks right? 

But this time, I was the one who broke someone else's heart. 

He was a close friend, and everyone was warning me that he had feelings for me. 

I truly am oblivious, because I truly am plain. 

No one I like ever likes me back, which is relatable to a certain degree right? 

But I'm so insecure about myself, and I've been told by that person constantly that I'm plain-looking. 

I felt like all my insecurities were poking out. However, he also said I was cute and adorable. 

But that's what all guys say to girls they like right? 

He claimed that he liked me because he knew me. 

This might be rude, but I'd say he thought wrong. 

There's so many things that I'm hiding. I want someone to recognize that. But everyone just recognizes what they want to, I guess. 

He likes me, but I like another. However, realistically, I know it will never work out. 

It's not official, but I think I have Philophobia. 

Philophobia: The fear of romantic  love or forming emotional attachments of any sort. 

He said that he'd wait for me because I'm "quite the catch." I was happy in a bittersweet way. 

Not wanting to hurt, but feeling happy that someone regarded me as something special. 

If it's just a lie, I don't want to be woken up yet. 

This feeling of being important to someone...

I love it, but it hurts him doesn't it? 

"I'm so selfish and cruel. "

These words repeat over and over again. 

I don't deserve anyone do I? 

~Day 1: End~