2: But I Still Want You...

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Three weeks after the divorce, you weren't concentrating on the road while driving, and you hit a car in front of you. You don't remember what happened, then everything went black.


Finally.. you think. Finally, I'm gone.


But you're not. You wake up and feel soft bedsheets underneath you and a pillow under your head. You try to block out all noise as you stretch your arms out to the side, but instead of being met with Mark's sleeping figure, you're met with air. You don't remember having a single bed? Then you hear what you were trying to block out, and you don't hear what you were wanting to exist. You hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor and the absence of breathing next to you. You smell that strong scent that's a mix of medicine and clean things. You open your eyes to find that replacing Mark is that annoying beeping noise keeping you alive.

No, Leave me alone. I don't want to be here anymore. 

You reach over to the chords pumping what you assume is stopping you from dying into your blood and yank them out. Does it hurt? Of course. Does that matter? Not anymore. Pain is only a limit to what you can do, and it won't matter once you're finally gone.*


...


You open your eyes once more. You shut them abruptly shaking your head. 

No. nononono I'm meant to be dead, I shouldn't be awake. Nobody cares anymore, please just let me go.

You open your eyes to locate the chord again, this time also thinking about giving that heart monitor a good kick. When you try to close your fist around the chord, it isn't there. You open your eyes, confused. Then you see too much.


You're not in the hospital. You're in your bed. Sitting at the end of your bed is him. Him looking at you as if he cares and making useless requests. 


He doesn't care. Pretend you can't hear him. Block him out, get to a knife or a gun. Just die, nothing else is important anymore. But you can't. 


"Please, just listen."


You shouldn't have listened. You should have just continued. You should have just died then and there, but you were stupid. You thought you were loved. You didn't care if your heart was torn to millionths if it meant it could be almost fixed one last time. Just so you remember it, you did this to yourself. You're to blame.


I want to just let you go.


I want to just die alone.


Please, just leave.


I'm trying to reject this moment so badly,


But I still want you...


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[A/N]:


*In no way ever is pain a limitation on what you can do. Don't kill yourself, because that has a larger impact on those around you than you may think. Remember, if you ever neem to rant, my DMs are always open. Feel free to say whatever you want, I won't judge, and if you don't want me to, then I won't react.


Also please ignore the fact that in the youtube video all you can see is Taehyung, and the fact that that's a BTS song & reference in a GOT7 fanfiction. No fanwars please, BTS and GOT7 would hate that and so would the peaceful fans. But I trust you guyssss, you'll be cool with this, rightttt?? Also, The reason for the video is the audio coz it was the closest thing to what I was looking for ('But I still want you...' on repeat).


Anyway thanks for reading, sorry for any spelling or punctuation errors!

Finally  - Mark Tuan x ReaderWhere stories live. Discover now