❝Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.❞
❝That would be you.❞
❝You're a smooth motherfucker, aren't you?❞
In which Nico desperately needs advice and finds a payphone, but he has nobody to call.
And then the payphone rings.
And Nico answers.
And ov...
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"So Client Lover Boy struck again."
"Still obsessed with that girl he met online?"
"More than ever, and he's doing more harm than good."
"If that isn't the story of my life, I honestly don't know what is."
"He's like this lonely dinosaur that's trying to hug a human but ends up crushing it's skull in a deadly embrace."
"Wow, you... you really have a way with words."
"The only thing that's stopping my mom from making me an online dating profile that says 'Hi! I'm a desperate and lonely teenage failure that needs any being with male genitalia for self validation! Sugar Daddies preferred.' is the fact that Lover Boy is getting cock blocked by this girl every day of his sad life."
"Hey! I'm a being with male genitalia, wanna be my Sugar Baby? I can pay you, like, three bucks. That's all I got. Sorry, baby."
"Of course you'd ask me that, Nico. You filthy man whore."
"Filthy man whore and proud."
"Apparently he's been trying to drop subtle hints that he'd like to rip her clothes off and confess his love to her, or at least meet up in real life, but she's just not picking them up."
"Nessa, I'd like to rip your clothes off and confess my love to you. And meet in real life. Oh, wow... I didn't realise how much I related to this guy."
"No wonder the chick won't go near him, he sounds like a psycho."
"A lovable psycho."
"Sure, Nico. He's a lovable psycho."
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yknow who else is a lovable psycho?
my boy nico
and me (pls hmu im lonely :'( haha totally subtle )
also wtf this book is getting so many more reads than i thought it would i love you guys???
